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2013 Model S - Many Disabled Errors and now a Dead Battery

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Last Wednesday (1/28/21), I was returning from a store 2 miles from my house. One mile down the road and these 7 error messages pop up on the screen:
  1. charge port disabled
  2. stability control disabled
  3. regenerative breaking disabled
  4. power reduced
  5. charge rate reduced
  6. traction control disabled
  7. service is required
My acceleration drops considerably, from a stop my car didn't draw more than a few kWs, maximum. I pulled into my driveway, put my car into reverse, and parked it in my garage. Three more errors immediately pop up:
  1. unable to drive
  2. electric system power reduced
  3. charge rate reduced
I started a series of power downs to try to get the car to reset and wipe the errors:
  1. Hold both scroll wheels with my foot on the break, wait until the screen goes black, don't move until the car powers back up, repeat
  2. Select the power off button in the screen's menu, leave the car sitting for 10 mins so it doesn't awake, and check the status, repeat with greater resting periods until I let it sit powered off for the entire night and next day
I ended up removing the nose cone so I could check the health of the 12V battery as a last ditch effort. I clipped my charger up to the two exposed studs and left it running for the night. In the morning, the charger showed a slight increase in stored charge, but it still only showed a 25% charge status. So, no go.

I have now made an appointment with the local service center (60 miles away, not that bad). And, the car has been sitting for nearly 8 days. I decided that I should confirm that I can get into the car. I can't. The car won't connect to my phone via the app and it doesn't seem to respond to the key fob despite where I put it (near the bottom left rear window, between the tips of the two windshield wipers, etc.). So here lies my present question: How do I get into my car so I can shift it into neutral when the tow truck arrives?
 

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The tow truck driver should put a booster on the 12v battery. It should give enough of a kick to get the car open and the screen on

The guy who towed my M3 knew exactly what to do.

You might have a 12v battery failure which caused all the other errors. Or something may be wrong with the DC 2 DC system that resulted in a dead 12v battery.

The fact that a booster will not charge the battery sounds to me like its a 12v battery failure.
 
They wouldn’t replace the battery in our 3 with mobile service because they couldn’t remotely confirm it was a battery problem.
That was my understanding too. Mobile service can replace a battery but wouldn't in my case because too many other problems needed to be resolved. Its probably best for me to get the car towed to the SC and checked out anyway. It hasn't been in for a while and the diagnosis should only cost $100. Granted, either way my car would still be sitting bricked, I have to either wait for a new battery or wait for an appointment with Tesla.

BONUS: I called the Electrified Garage (they're in my area) and they said that since many of my errors pertain to the 480V battery they recommend I bring it to Tesla for diagnosis. Apparently Tesla won't sell repair parts for the 480V system so the timeline and effort required to make potential repairs should be minimal compared to a private shop or home car aficionado.

I appreciate everyone giving me there take on things. And, BTW, I can open the car now that I've had a trickle charger hooked up to the battery studs for a few hours. Hopefully if I leave the trickle charger attached, I can eventually shift it into Neutral.
 
I had to use AAA to tow the car to the Tesla Service Center.
Tesla determined that the car “has powertrain can communication issues between modules. Check can line wiring. Found corrosion on wiring harness. Repair can high wire. Vehicle now starts, no warnings are currently on. Verified Proper Operation.” The total cost was $448.31

The 12v battery was also replaced at a cost of $165 for the battery and $78 for the service.