Hey all! OP here.
Appreciate all the help! Sorry for the delay in responding.
It's always interesting posting on the internet. Lots of people projecting a lot of suspicion, but generally the conversation has been super helpful! Thanks!
A few people have been asking for photos. I didn't want to post the photos to prevent doxxing myself against Tesla (since I'd still like to maintain a good relationship with my service rep) but it's the least I could do for the help:
The soap bubbles are because the shop said they used it to check for a coolant pressure leak. (Honestly as an engineer it seems a bit sus, how would I know the difference between just pumping air into the pack vs coolant system? Does the coolant run against the bottom shell of the pack?)
--
Also wanted to respond to the people who are "sure" it was "impossible to notice" when I ran over something, which was actually the main response in the
thread I linked, as well as others I've seen.
Don't be so sure: Everyone assumes the damage was graphic and I ran over the balls of Chuck Norris himself, but as you can see I'd say the scratch was relatively small. We run over that kind of thing all the time: highly convex driveways, tall speed bumps. I'm just a stranger on the internet but while I might have heard a scratch I definitely have no clue when or where this scratch happened, which means even if I did hear something I passed it out of my memory like a pebble hitting your windshield.
--
Also want to reply rq to
#20, who wrote the longest reply.
No one "forgets" to get collision coverage, you have to actually decline it.
Funny to me you put "forgets" in quotes when neither me nor the post you replied to said or implied that. Before he changes the narrative, I own that I am a dumbass and didn't elect collision coverage. I was planning to sell the car and wasn't driving it often, so thought I could get away with it. Still appreciate the feedback
--
Anyways, I'll definitely contact Gruber and see what my options are, never knew they existed. (Thanks
goodbadboys9!) Also will check later today if I never cancelled my old policy though that's a hail mary. Worst case I'll just bite the bullet and pay for the new pack.
Open to other suggestions and DMs.

(I get emails for DMs so that'll prod me to come back to the thread)
Cheers all, and love you if you made it this far!