@gnuarm: I just used autosteer a lot, going out of town for Turkey Day and kept two hands on the wheel. Not in the normal positions I would use without autosteer, of course! I had one resting firmly/slightly-pulling on one side (on/above the spoke) and the other lightly resting on/holding the bottom of the other side of the steering wheel. I alternated periodically so it didn't get tiring.
I didn't focus much on how much pressure I was putting on, once I got used to having my "steering arm" (as you say, though of course it's not steering) resting in that position, which usually gave enough pressure. I decided a few warnings (I got a few visual ones) were okay, and tried not to overthink it.
Hopefully you can find a better position that works for you. There's no need to keep your off-hand off the wheel, though; just rest it on the bottom and try not to control the wheel with it.
Anyway, yeah, my spouse feels like the detection method bites, and suggested something like the metal contacts treadmills use. IMHO exposed metal on the wheel would be uncomfortable for driving, though. I wonder if some kind of pressure sensor is feasible.