I've revised this to be more current and accurate...
Creating the World’s Best Non-Service Program
Elun Mush, Product Architect & CEO, November 11, 2019
- Uber dudes as loaners.
- We will seamlessly ignore you.
Making Service Better by Making it Hard
The best way to experience service is, of course, not to experience service. If your car does need service, we will make it very difficult for you to schedule an appointment and make you wait weeks or months. Then, if you do show up, we'll make you wait and hold your car for weeks until parts arrive. In the meantime, we'll send you home in a Uber and text you... when we feel like it.
For an added bit of fun, customers in most markets will have the choice of taking home an Enterprise rental car. Few experiences are more sublime than driving a Toytota Camry, the smell of unleaded as you fill the gas tank before you coast along the ocean or through a forest on a winter day and hearing only the sounds of AM Talk Radio.
Valet Service... psyche!
Our time is valuable and should not be spent talking to you in person. Tesla is putting in place a our HAC (Human Avoidance Culture), so that you will never have any opportunity to talk to a human Tesla representative. If you call us, we won't answer and our voicemail will be full. Don't like it? Leave us a voicemail...