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If somebody is inside my car and I am standing outside, or if they are checking it out or driving it, can they simply add full autopilot without me knowing until I get a message that it has been added or see a $7,000 charge on my credit card?
No, but they could do so from your phone if you hand that over to them (although I think they added some kind of second authentication/confirmation before someone butt-purchased a $7000 item!)