I never use car washes. #1 way to get the various microswirls/microscratches in the clear coat due to dirty, harsh brushes used. And no, i dont use touchless as they use stronger chemicals and higher water pressure to compensate for no brushes. Those chemicals/pressure strip off my wax/sealants I've applied.
And no, I dont go to the car washes where various min wage(or less) persons use filthy sponges and dirty cloths theyve used on tons of other cars/wheels as they will also scratch.
I wash at home with one of these filled with any brand of car wash liquid.
I haven't done it yet, but apparently if you put it in neutral and turn off the auto wipers you should be good to go. Personally, I'm not interested in hand washing it myself so I know where you're coming from!
If you want to do an automatic I suggest you talk to owner of car wash. Ask to do a walk through when not running of setup. Mine was more than glad. Showed me the things many car washes skip or use bad bristles. Also look for urethane bumpers along track. Extensive pre wash before any type of contact.
I am a ONR person as well, but time often dictates how much time I can spend cleaning. Full PPF both cars. I put a ton of miles on my car. If I Optimum No Rinse every time, I would be in car detailing not my current profession.
I have yet to know someone that does hand wash and drives more than 30k a year. I am sure they exist, but with high mileage per year time is usually an issue.