The Shelly.cloud switches look interesting, but I think I need connected circuit breakers that I can pop into the existing sub panels for a few key circuits.@Vines mentioned SPAN.io as option for smart switching. Another option, would be something like shelly.cloud switches/relays. Might be better than span if your loads are distributed or they're not on a dedicated circuit. There is whole rabbit hole around products that work with Home Assistant.
I have a home automation system that I can program to manage this, if I can figure out how to hook it up.
I have Monterey Bay coastal climate, and yes they do need backup heat at times.You mentioned backup heat which sounded like resistance heaters. Could upgrading/replacing the heat pumps be a cost effective option? It seems newer ones will rarely need backup heat in theory with most the climate in California