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Crowdsourcing a "small" gremlin issue fix - long

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I bought a 2013 P85 a few months back. I like it enough, but I seem to have a gremlin at the moment. A month ago I upgraded the MCU and that may be where my problems are beginning.
Three weeks ago I was hanging Christmas lights and I let my daughter watch movies on Netflix while I was parked in the driveway. One kiddie movie later, we go inside, next morning I walk out and do something, door handles pop out, go back inside come back out, door handles don't pop out. No response from FOB, nothing, car is effectively a brick. No connection from the app, do the whole thing with the fob under the windshield wiper, nothing.
So I call the service center, they have nothing, can't connect, tell me it'll need to be towed. So before I took that route I jumped it with a booster pack comes back online.
My guess at that point is it's the 12V. So I pull it into the garage, let it run in camping mode for about 2 hours, next morning same issue. So I let it run in the garage in camping mode for 12 hours, since I didn't have a drive scheduled for a while and it worked well enough for a while.
A week later, I'm at the store, hop out, try to hop back in 2 minutes later, brick.
5 minutes later, opens back up like it nothing happened.
So I set up an appointment, they remote into the car, say the 12V appears to be fine, so I cancel the appointment.
Not even 30 minutes ago I go outside, open the passenger door get my backpack, the large pack clicks like it's about to take a charge, all lights cut off, brick.
I reach over open the driver side door, lights flicker, brick.
I close the passenger side sit in the drivers side, open the passenger, lights flicker like it's about to start up, brick.
I sit there for a few minutes, open the passenger again from the inside, lights flicker, comes on.

So my running theory is that there's a data connectivity/fail safe that has to do with the MCU. Before I upgraded the MCU I was experiencing a funky issue where if I went to any screen that wasn't music or map, I would have problems starting it back up on the next go.

But I'm at loss on what this could be, as this doesn't seem mechanical, and I'm new enough to owning one and I doubt I'm the first person to ever experience this.

So any help would be greatly appreciated.
 
I’d suspect the 12V also even if it hasn’t triggered a code. Maybe even a loose battery cable?

Seems like you are car literate. I’d disconnect the 12V battery cables and check the voltage. If it’s properly charged I’d like to see 12.5 to 12.6 volts.

If that’s ok, Then clean and snug up the cables. Not crazy tight…
 
We had a similar problem with our 2014 S85 after a service visit. Took it back in and it turns out they forgot to tighten the negative terminal on the 12V battery so it was dropping out every so often. I would definilty look at the 12V battery with this behavior.
 
I’d suspect the 12V also even if it hasn’t triggered a code. Maybe even a loose battery cable?

Seems like you are car literate. I’d disconnect the 12V battery cables and check the voltage. If it’s properly charged I’d like to see 12.5 to 12.6 volts.

If that’s ok, Then clean and snug up the cables. Not crazy tight…
That sounds right. I'll carve out some time this weekend, I had originally tried to take a look a few weeks back, just didn't have the time or space to work with it.