Up until the computer spits out your car, no one knows. And even then, it's not guaranteed. Go read the threads in the UK forums, Right now they have one focus, delivering as many cars as fast as possible. They are trying to make the most people as happy as possible as quick as possible.
Think of it like Amazon, you order, it arrives. Tesla is a little better, you order, a few days before delivery, you get a call to arrange delivery.
They just don't have time to answer calls from thousands of people everyday with information that they don't know and listen to people asking why they don't know and then complaining that it is lousy customer service.
How many cars did you order and not but off the lot? If none, then how do you know that other dealers don't do the same thing? My guess is that they do. The dealer won't know anything until it's on the car carrier headed toward the dealer.
Actually, I have ordered 6 BMWs in the past 9 years (2 cars on 3 year lease cycles, 3 times). At least for BMW, its NOTHING like tesla in the order department. You can find out everything about your car, from where it is in the factory, to the actual date it was built, and assigned a vin, when its being painted, when it gets on a ship, and even follow the ship across the ocean via freight information if you want.
The same information that is available to the person who sells you the car is available to a consumer. The consumer can call an 800 number of a call center, that has regular hours, and answers the phone, and will tell you the status, as well as answer any other general non sales related questions. The other tracking is available online.
Dont get me wrong, I love my tesla, and also realize that BMW has had years (decades?) to perfect their logistics in selling into the US, and did not expect the same from tesla. With that being said, some companies definitely do a much better job at the "ordering a car" business than others. Not sure about US car manufacturers other than tesla because before tesla (who people seem to forget is also a US manufacturer of cars for some reason ) the last US based car I bought was a Ford Taurus, and it was a spectacular POS.
OP, unfortunately there isnt any way through to humans here in the US either unless your car has a VIN and you are scheduled for delivery by them. They sell these cars like a commodity, and people who are used to working with a dealer to "arrange things" get shocked when its basically very hard / impossible to arrange anything that is not boilerplate / cookie cutter.