All you have to do is look at various threads as they refer to EAP features that don't involve basic AP.
If your standard is "an insignificantly tiny % of all owners can be found complaining about it" then apparently all of these suck too:
iPhones
Android phones
PCs
Macs
Literally every brand and model of car ever made
Every airline ever
Every TV show ever
Every movie ever
Every book ever
(I could go on for a really, really long time here...)
Smart Summon - Is ridiculed
As I said, range needs to be better. Otherwise if I have a close enough spot I've used it to great effect to have the car pick me up in a covered area when it's raining. I agree it's not useful in, say, the costco parking lot at busy times though- so I'd definitely score this the "worst" of the features.
Auto Park - You yourself admits that its not fast enough to really be useful in rear world situations
No, in fact, I said the exact opposite of that.
That vision autopark is FINALLY USEFUL. The previous version was not as it was insanely slow, required cars on both sides of the spot, and didn't even see spots most of the time.
The new version is a LITTLE slower than a human, but not terribly so....meaning you can actually choose to use it. For example if I'm going into a place that'll require a mask, I hit autopark and while it's doing that I get out my mask and put it on-- Or I grab my phone off the wireless charger and put it back in my pocket-- or I finish the drink I was drinking--- rather than have to be manually parking.... so net savings of time.
If I'm parking and have nothing useful to do with my hands I probably still do it manually because it's a few seconds quicker.
So it's not life changing, but it's
absolutely useful in the real world
(the previous non-vision version was not)
Auto Lane Change - From what I've seen on various threads is this is what people really want. It makes sense as it makes AP so much more seamless.
Yup. Plus AP tends to make me care less about slower traffic... ALC combined with NoA helpfully passes such folks anyway without my having to intervene.
NoA - This is ridiculed all the time for making dumb decisions.
So is Siri- but it's still useful as hell.
It's also something that's very dependent on quality of the maps that it relies on.
Sure.
And folks who live where the maps are decent get massive value from it.
Which is most people (in NA BTW... I recognize it's semi-crippled in the EU)
If Tesla is convinced that these features REALLY WORK then they should offer a 30 day trial to allow people to test out the features for themselves.
They have offered a 48 hour one for FSD for years now.
If you want a 1-month one it's $199.
There is a danger of listening too much to forums because expectations and experience varies wildly.
Says the guy whose only source of "THE FEATURES ALL SUCK" is.... listening to forums too much