Error messages/MSP undriveable with less than 1000 miles 😖

[KZ-CLT]

Venting to the universe.

Was preparing the car for drag strip mode and got all of the messages below.

regenerative braking disabled
auto shift out of park unavailable
steering assist reduced
adaptive ride control degraded
lane departure avoidance features unavailable
automatic vehicle hold disabled
traction control disabled
stability control disabled

Dangit—roadside said it can’t be reset and needs to be towed.

 

[cytranic]

It's an alignment issue