After many years of carefully observing the various species of bears in their various habitats I thought I would share my field notes with the hope that others can add-to & refine
Note: please do not confuse with the upcoming catalog of trolls, which in many ways are like bears, just more hideous and not as smart.
CPA-bears (Ursuline Whocares): A sub-species of Finance Bears. Mostly ignored by bears and bulls alike. Usually only seen talking to other CPA-bears about acrane ratios that they believe show “The Truth” on how all businesses must be run. Oddly, CPA-bears are never seen running a business.
NYC-bears (Delusional Ursulines): A sub-species of Finance Bear. Strong belief that their experience with a German Car on occasional weekends and size of paycheck from Wall St. gives them flawless insights into every company. Especially ones in California.
Oil Bears (Ursuline Major Stinkus): Usually found in the Upper Midwest and Gulf Coast states. Wish to roll and swim in the glorious black treasure, to bath in it, to convert it to electricity so to power the universe. Believes all who do not bow to the miracle of oil to be incredibly naive and unable to see the way of the world.
Tech Bears (Sotiresome Ursulines): Believe that any business can only be successful if it follows their exact advice on building software companies and that any business that requires equipment is an automatic failure.
Catastrophic Bears (Ursuline Crywolf): Able to use a single tweet and a whole hour worth of work to determine that Elon is the world’s largest scammer (don’t mind the actual cars on the road) leading the world’s largest and obvious fraud since Enron. May cite their extensive experience on twitter or management of thousands of dollars in their investment fund as proof of their domain expertise.
Needless to say I have also seen various mixed offspring, many of which have even more disturbing traits, usually verbal or twitter diarrhea.