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How the Heck am I supposed to Clean this Thing?

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a couple important points:
  • I live in Wisconsin. It’ll be freezing cold outside and snowy for months on end.
  • The roads are all salted.
  • This is my commuter so I will be in the thick of it - snow and salt - daily for months on end
  • The Tesla manual says Touchless car wash only (if can’t do by hand) and yet I read about pressured water blasting into the charger port or the frunk etc. and discoloring the finish
  • The Tesla manual also says to immediately wash off salt and bugs (that’s our summer problem in Wisconsin) and so forth
  • I have a garage but it’s not huge, not heated, has no faucet for a hose
Other cars I’d take to a car wash once a week or so. No other way to keep it even moderately clean in these harsh conditions. What are you snowbound salted road types doing to keep things clean and prevent degradation or damage to the car, battery, finish, etc.
 
Seems like I should read the manual, but I can't say I remember seeing a Tesla in a gas-station type car wash. Hmm, I'm listening for responses, especially since I haven't put on a PPF yet.
Yeah I’m really struggling with the idea that I need to drop another $4.5k on PPF or ceramic wrap after just spending that much on winter tires & wheels & TPMSs. Why Tesla would deliver a sports CUV with summer tires in the late fall in the Midwest is beyond me. If the ppf or wrap is essential it should be included with the car.

Overall, I absolutely love my MYP and make excuses to drive it before and after work and days off. I just did a three hour round trip to go to a stupid mall I don’t even like to get Christmas ornaments. Worth it! Because of Tesla.

Anyway sorry for ranting and raving. I just need a plan that doesn’t invoke me spending more than 30 minutes a week cleaning this thing and doesn’t ignore injury to the battery / paint / etc.
 
a couple important points:
  • I live in Wisconsin. It’ll be freezing cold outside and snowy for months on end.
  • The roads are all salted.
  • This is my commuter so I will be in the thick of it - snow and salt - daily for months on end
  • The Tesla manual says Touchless car wash only (if can’t do by hand) and yet I read about pressured water blasting into the charger port or the frunk etc. and discoloring the finish
  • The Tesla manual also says to immediately wash off salt and bugs (that’s our summer problem in Wisconsin) and so forth
  • I have a garage but it’s not huge, not heated, has no faucet for a hose
Other cars I’d take to a car wash once a week or so. No other way to keep it even moderately clean in these harsh conditions. What are you snowbound salted road types doing to keep things clean and prevent degradation or damage to the car, battery, finish, etc.

When it was warm enough, I occasionally take my car to a bay car wash and wash it myself.
I also bought the mud flaps.
 
"Car Wash Mode closes all windows, locks the charge port door, and disables windshield wipers, Sentry Mode, walk-away door locking, and parking sensor chimes. To enable, touch Controls > Service > Car Wash Mode."

Many owners (and forum members) use drive-thru car washes in the winter. The harsh cleaners and aggressive jets/brushes are degrading to the paint, but surface salt is damaging as well. The general consensus is that you're better off removing the salt.

But what the hell do I know about paint, I drive a DeLorean lol
 
Anyway sorry for ranting and raving. I just need a plan that doesn’t invoke me spending more than 30 minutes a week cleaning this thing and doesn’t ignore injury to the battery / paint / etc.
I'm near Wisconsin so we have similar weather and what I did last winter (first one for the Model Y) was to visit my local touch less manual car wash on a regular basis. Spent about $5 each week and quickly washed the salt, snow and road gunk off with the warm/hot water keeping it away from the charge port. If the car is unlocked, the water pressure will open the charge port if you spray it directly. You can lock the car to prevent this or use the car wash mode...or just spray around it.

$5 and about 10 mins each week no issues.
 
I would opt for using the self-wash with the pressure hose when the temperature is above freezing. As noted you should lock the Tesla using the phone app so the charge port door does not open if hit with water from the sprayer. Don't spray water directly at the side cameras or rear camera from a close distance and you should be fine. You can place the wiper blades/blade arms into service mode so the wiper blades are exposed while you are washing the Tesla vehicle.

Tesla still has a way to go as far as designing/building vehicles that stand up to winter driving. The seal at the lower edge of the windows will stay wet for a day or two after rain or after washing the vehicle and can freeze to the glass. This will prevent the window from properly lowering when opening the door(s). If you have a can of windshield de-icer spray you can spray a little of the de-icer (contains Isopropyl Alcohol) and this will melt any ice that has formed at the bottom window gasket. The de-icer spray will evaporate quickly and should not damage the door trim or paint.

If you park in a garage you might want to leave the window of the driver's door cracked so you can open the door without the window binding on the door gasket. The window can also freeze to the rubber door gasket. You can use a safe for rubber product such as silicone spray on the door gasket to prevent the window freezing to the door gasket. (If you use standard WD-40 know that over time it can damage rubber parts; there is a special WD-40 product that is safe for rubber and plastic.) You can safely apply some WD-40 or Silicone Spray to the inside of door handle so the door handle won't freeze and get stuck.
 
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My experience with car washes shows no damages.

For the first year of ownership I militantly washed the car myself, ONR, tons of microfiber cloths, Invisible Glass, spray wax, even got a foam cannon for the pressure washer and appropriate soaps. Then one day when I was planning to clean the car I thought ya know, let’s see what the car wash actually does and can it be the disaster everyone says it is. Took the car to the local rotating brush conveyor belt style car wash. They already knew about Teslas and have one of the managers ride with the car through the wash; this was before “Car Wash Mode” was available. Car came out very clean, absolutely no swirls, no scratches, no visible damage at all and wonderfully clean inside and out…for $20 + tip. I haven’t looked back since.

I know lots of owners here cringe at the thought of using a brush car wash but for me it is the only way now and I do this monthly or as needed. No PPF, no ceramic, no body armor, no hazmat covering, no car condom of any kind, just the car and whatever quality of black paint it came with.

I think the normal rotating-brushes car washes are actually better than the touchless (no high pressure spraying) or the ones with the cloth strips. The brushes rotate and are wetted with either soapy or plain water centrifugally flinging dirt away. Cloth strips just pick up the dirt and reapply it over and over.

Obviously if you’re a contender at a Concours d’Elegance you will want to meticulously hand wash, wax, and completely detail yourself or pay for a detail job. For me, I just want a clean car and the local car wash meets that need very cheaply, well, and easily, and without damage to the paint.

Probably I should sell the foam cannon but I have found other uses around the house.
 
I’m in the same boat (and region) - washing at home isn’t an option for most of the year, and even when it is our water is so hard that there’s no good way to wash without leaving tons of spots. There also aren’t any self washes anywhere near me.

I’ve gone to both touchless and brushed washes and the only issue I’ve noticed is some staining on the black trim around the windows. I assume it’s from the high pH detergents that people talk about. Of course I didn’t notice which wash caused it. Oh well.

The other problem here is that there are typically long lines at car washes, particularly the touchless ones since they can only wash one car at a time. I don’t often have 30-45 min to wait in line for a car wash so the brushed washes that use a conveyer belt are a far more efficient option.

Like I said in another thread, every other car I’ve owned handles car washes just fine. The fact that Tesla has chosen materials and designs that don’t is just a sign of poor design choices.
 
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I was mildly interested how the brake calipers would hold up with all the sodium/magnesium chloride's on the road. I started to look at some high temp caliper wraps or caliper paint. They appear to have more of a silver finish on them. My hope is they don't end up all rusty like all my Chrysler/GM stuff but we'll see. My older SUV's were getting pretty ugly the last few years due to the road treatments. Pitting on calipers, suspension all rusted up etc.

Car came with front mud flaps, but I also installed rear flaps and quarter panel PPF from Abstract Ocean. And got the 3M front 1/2 hood and facia via Ebay. Did it all myself. Bearded Tesla Guy on YouTube did a great job documenting the one I used and XPEL. It took me at least 4 hours to get the facia installed, the rest was easy. But it was 70 degrees + when I did it. Way more stretching with the 3M facia.
Trying to do that in winter would be a hard pass unless I had a heated option. I also used the Adams Graphene Ceramic on the whole car trim, body, glass. Hope was it kept me from doing the wax and doesn't let things stick as easy. I rushed to get all this done in Sept after taking delivery.

Also don't pressure wash your rear tail lights. These aren't sealed so going from a wet situation to some sun can introduce fogging. Mine cleared up but I didn't realize they were not sealed.
 
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The charge port has a gasket to keep out water spray, and many owners use manual high pressure wash wands to clean their cars. It's not a problem. Even if water DOES get into the port, nothing's going to happen. It will not short out.

I always wash my Teslas with a manual spray wash wand. Never any issues. As for salt, no one ever washes the underside of their cars, but that's where all the salt accumulates from splashing up from the road. Never heard of any car rotting away from underneath, and never heard of any type of car wash that washes the underbody.

Personally, I NEVER use soap when I wash the car. There is no need. Leave the old wax alone; if it's still there it's doing its job. Just spray the dirt off of it. I've had two Teslas with over 100,000 miles on them and never used soap, always used high pressure hand spray, no brushes, then dry with baby diapers. They always look great.
 
Never heard of any car rotting away from underneath, and never heard of any type of car wash that washes the underbody.

Virtually every drive-thru car wash I've ever used has a "undercarriage wash".

One bucket, two bucket, foam cannon, brushes, diapers, microfibers...everybody's got their own process. It's not that hard to keep a pleasing appearance, just don't park it under the ocean or blast it into outer space.
 
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Virtually every drive-thru car wash I've ever used has a "undercarriage wash".

One bucket, two bucket, foam cannon, brushes, diapers, microfibers...everybody's got their own process. It's not that hard to keep a pleasing appearance, just don't park it under the ocean or blast it into outer space.
At my local full service car wash with conveyor system you have to pay an extra $3 for the undercarriage wash.
 
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I’ve gone to both touchless and brushed washes and the only issue I’ve noticed is some staining on the black trim around the windows. I assume it’s from the high pH detergents that people talk about. Of course I didn’t notice which wash caused it. Oh well.
I think you mean Low pH (more acidic) which is what damages the trim and paint? Pure water is 7.0. I have yet to use it, but I just bought a Griot's foam cannon set and the car wash concentrate has a pH of 9.5.

 
The Tesla Model Y Owner's Manual, Page 174, cautions against using hot water, highly alkaline or caustic cleaning products. When cleaning the Tesla Model Y do not use soaps or chemicals with a high pH (above 13). The manual cautions against using caustic cleaning products especially those that contain hydroxides.

If using a pressure washer keep the tip of the pressure washer wand at least 12 inches away from the Tesla vehicle. Do not spray high pressure water directly at the parking sensors.

https://www.tesla.com/sites/default/files/model_y_owners_manual_north_america_en.pdf
 
The Tesla Model Y Owner's Manual, Page 174, cautions against using hot water, highly alkaline or caustic cleaning products. When cleaning the Tesla Model Y do not use soaps or chemicals with a high pH (above 13). The manual cautions against using caustic cleaning products especially those that contain hydroxides.

If using a pressure washer keep the tip of the pressure washer wand at least 12 inches away from the Tesla vehicle. Do not spray high pressure water directly at the parking sensors.

https://www.tesla.com/sites/default/files/model_y_owners_manual_north_america_en.pdf
Yes. But what it leaves out is any reasonable plan for the half the country driving in salt and snow every winter. I love the MYP god forbid it gets wounded in action.
 
What about purchasing a cheap winter vehicle
I've heard that's the way it is done in cities such as Buffalo, NY. A nice ride for spring and summer and a beater for winter. (All the nice convertibles, muscle cars etc. are stored over the winter.) The beater is four or five thousand pounds of Detroit iron with snow tires and 200 lbs of sand in the trunk. As long as it starts, runs and stops and has a working heater, lights and wipers it is all you need.
 
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As for salt, no one ever washes the underside of their cars, but that's where all the salt accumulates from splashing up from the road. Never heard of any car rotting away from underneath, and never heard of any type of car wash that washes the underbody.
Both of those things are common in places that use road salt.
How do you know when it's time to buy a new snow car? When you can see the road between the pedals.