There has been a lot of talk about going with an aftermarket hitch. From what I've been able to find, you can't enable the towing mode if you go aftermarket. Here are some of the changes they make with the MY hitch mode. From page 75 in the owners manual. The bolding is mine. Sorry about the formatting.
- Trailer Mode
Trailer Mode must always be active when towing a trailer. When you connect a trailer’s electrical connection while the vehicle is in Park, Model Y automatically engages Trailer Mode. When you disconnect the trailer’s electrical connection, Trailer Mode does not automatically disengage. To manually engage or disengage Trailer Mode, touch Controls > Driving > Trailer Mode on the touchscreen. One of the following indicators displays:
Some Autopilot features, as well as rear parking sensor functionality, may not be available when Trailer Mode is enabled. In addition, these features operate differently:
• Traffic-Aware Cruise Control increases the following distance from the vehicle in front of you.
• Side collision warnings are active but automatic steering interventions are disabled.
• The braking force provided by Automatic Emergency Braking (see Collision Avoidance Assist on page 114) may be limited. Therefore, stopping distance may increase.
WARNING: Do not rely on Model Y to detect the trailer and automatically engage Trailer Mode. Always check to ensure Trailer Mode is engaged before towing a trailer.
WARNING: Under no circumstances should you exit Trailer Mode when towing a trailer. Doing so can cause serious injury.
Trailer Brakes
When towing a loaded trailer that weighs more than 1650 lbs (750 kg), Tesla recommends that the trailer be equipped with its own brake system adequate for the weight of the trailer. Ensure compliance with local regulations. A brake controller must be purchased separately.
Follow these steps to connect a brake controller: