This is incorrect. At 80A of continuous current, the conductors and breaker will indeed become warm. Touch-warm is fine, touch-hot or "hot electronics smell" is not.
On the conductor size, you're incorrect - there is no "over-designing by 1/3" rule. Electricians follow the NEC (or CEC in Canada), as well as local amendments. NEC dictates that an EV charging loads be considered "continuous loads". Continuous loads require that conductors, over-current protection devices (breakers and fuses), and load calculations be rated for 125% of the charging current. In this case, that means the circuit must be sized for 100A. If you consult article 310 of the NEC, you'll find an ampacity table. #3 wire is good for 100A at the 75 degree termination rating, which is the rating for most modern breakers, panels, and other equipment (older equipment may require 60 degree termination, which would be #2). NM cable ("Romex") is not permitted for 80A HPWC installs because it must be used at the 60 degree column (see section 334.80) and that's only good to 95A (remember, 100 is required).
Your statement on ground and jumping to neutral is not only wrong, but completely unsafe and illegal. The EGC is never permitted to act as the neutral. In all new construction (post-1996), neutral and ground are separated, and joined in only one location at the main service panel.
For more information, see my FAQ located here:
FAQ: Home Tesla charging infrastructure QA
+10^10
Glad I'm not the only one chasing around and correcting misinformation these days. Seems to stem from a very persistent few.
In any case, I echo FlasherZ's previous advice, and my own... charge however you want or need to charge. It's not going to make a difference. Just leave it at 80A, charge, and be done with it.