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Keyed!

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Tesla don't do bodywork, they would refer you to one of there approved bodyshops. Since its damage from a key, any bodyshop should be able to do it. If you use a tesla approved it will be very expensive, and in this case there isn't really a need to.

Should I be slightly surprised that the alarm didn’t go off, even with sentry off? Or is it a much higher bar to trigger it?
The alarm won't go off, the alarm is only going to trigger when there is either movement in the car, or a significant impact to the outside. If it was sensitive enough to set of when a key touches it then most likely it would be set off in bad weather. Sentry is a little different as the cameras just look for motion outside, and therefore would have recorded them in this case, the alarm still wouldn't have set off though.
 
What would something like this cost to fix? I made sure to go with Direct Line so excess is £650 but if a body shop can sort it for less then we should perhaps put together a list! It’s inevitable for some of us that have no off-street parking.

My local body shop is normally £200 a panel, but I've never asked for a bonnet before (might be more as bigger than the average door/wing panel). It varies wildly depending on where you are - best thing is to get a bunch of quotes.
 
Holy cow. What's the signficance of "IOANNA"? Sorry man. I would have been out of my mind when I saw that for the first time.

This also sounds like mumble-speak for 'I don't wanna', like the geniuses who type 'IONO' for 'I don't know' or 'tryna' for 'trying to'. Tryna is less egregious and sometimes funny but it's all of a piece.

Really sorry this happened. I absolutely loathe the type of people who do this. There's honestly nobody on Earth whose car I'd do this to. I tend to voice my disagreements with words and ideas (not keyed into cars).
 
This is just horrible. There are truly some horrible people out there to do this to someone else's property. Really? Too bad sentry was not on. This is another reason why I always PPF my entire car. I am not saying that is the solution but its another level of protection given how people can do stupid things for stupid reasons.