Fascinating list!
I have never once manually turned on headlights -- auto works fine.
I never use my cellphone in the car, for distracted driving safety reasons, so no interest in hands-free calling features.
I deliberately purchased coil suspension, so no need to adjust air suspension on the fly. (My concern with air suspension is that it was unnecessary complexity that would be expensive to fix when it broke.)
I don't have a heated steering wheel -- something I regret -- nor heated rear seats, so no need to turn them on or off.
I generally leave climate control on auto and turn it on or off, and adjust the temperature, with the right steering wheel button, so no need to fuss with climate control settings, save for turning defogging on, which is a single touch button. I do agree that the custom climate control settings are much worse in V9 than in V8.1, but I rarely use them because auto works well.
I do use voice navigation a lot on road trips, which is most of my miles, albeit fewer days than local driving. And I use the media player a lot, both for streaming and USB, so I usually have the media player up, although I mostly control it from the left steering wheel buttons. I always have the map in satellite view because it is pretty where I live and interesting to watch.
I do use the main screen a lot for other things while parked, especially while Supercharging on road trips. Makes it less of a safety issue to adjust things while parked, IMO.
I suppose my use case is akin to your "mule driver," by your standards! So be it.