Thanks everyone for your comments!
Yes, he's a good friend. Still.
Having a separate power source from the HV battery does seem unavoidable, but the problem I see in particular with Tesla's design is:
a) they have a very large power draw at all times - heck, even in "energy saver" mode. This means a lot of charge/discharge cycles on the 12V battery if the solution is to just top it up from the HV battery periodically (I am pretty sure that's how it works).
b) if it truly is the case that the 12V battery is not charged when the HV battery goes below 5% *while driving*, then in essence Tesla is lying about the range of the vehicle. They don't say you have 5% of the battery capacity left *as long as you keep driving and don't use any accessories*. This is almost as bad as them lying about the capacity of the pack - the '90 kWh" battery takes 75 kWh to charge empty to full, magic that...
c) the fact that the car will lock you out and remain completely dead if there is no 12V energy source is completely unacceptable. As I said before, what if a pet was in the car at the time? You're telling me that this $200,000 vehicle has to suffer a broken window to rescue a pet because my battery died?
It's Tuesday. The Tesla tech will be out on Wednesday morning. The plan is to replace the 12V battery (under warranty), then charge the car at the Supercharger. Hopefully that will be that.
Someone mentioned replacing the battery with a 12V Lithium battery. Care to share any part numbers? How does this affect the warranty?