There's always tomorrow. I think I would just drive your own car. My understanding (and again, it is not based on personal experience, so YMMV! - obviously there is perhaps some increased risk of disablement) is that the car will work just fine without any 12V battery. It will just complain about it.
There's really no reason for the 12V after it bootstraps the contactor closure & DC-DC converter power up, as I understand it, because then the DC-DC is providing the 12V for all the components that need it...
Tomorrow came, I re-connected the negative terminal, and just drove it into the service center. While my car was in a limbo state of "being towed," they were kind enough to sort me out while I waited, so I was able to say farewell to the old:
AtlasBX 85B24LS P/N 1129182-00-B, 2018/07/11
...and hello to the new:
Hankook 85B24LS P/N 1129182-00-B, 2021/08/03
Communication was a bit of a challenge, and Tesla has some room for improvement.
When I called the service center's phone number, it kept sending me to my closest service center where my car wasn't scheduled to go
When I e-mailed the service center's e-mail address, no one replied
When I messaged via the Tesla app, no one replied
My questions about logistics and scheduling were not complex, and I just needed 5 minutes with someone, but was unable to get answers using the above methods, so my only option was to drive and show up there, which is pretty ironic, given my car was disabled (in theory).
Kudos to the forum members for their encouragement and support, and walking me through the steps to better understand the role of the 12V battery, especially when it's dead/half-dead/zombied.