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NOOB, Can anyone give an earful on my Tesla S 60 purchase

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I'm the same size as you, 6 foot 2, 275 lbs.... Try getting in this way, put your butt in first, almost facing sideways, then swing both legs in after and turn your butt at the same time. Works much better for me.
I'm 6 ft and using the same technique on the driver side. My left knee is getting weaker to get in and out smoothly. I don't have problem getting in and out from passenger side.
 
3. The 60 vs the 70 is crazy. I test drove the 70 and I was shocked, when I drove the 60 for the first time I was like meh whatever.

Did you compare S60 vs 70D, or S70? S60 vs S70 0-60 is 5.9 vs 5.5s, which is a difference but not so crazy. The D on the other hand adds a bit more power but more importantly adds traction which allows you to fully utilize the acceleration on more occasions (including when driving through curves). Also, did the 60 have worn out tires maybe? That can cause traction problems to limit acceleration. Another thing that limits acceleration is State of Charge, so for example if S60 was at 35% and S70 was at 75% there will be an additional difference.