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SC can't fix squeaks. Looking for DIY ideas...

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I've taken my Model S into two different service centers (including Fremont) to get, among other items, two nagging rattles taken care of, but in both cases, despite assurances that both were fixed, they completely eluded the staff.

The first is a squeak coming from the right side dashboard on or near the vents. So far, they've added various squeak reducing elements to the area as well as replaced both right side vent mechanisms, but clearly neither of those measures have worked, as I still notice the same rattling on anything less than perfectly smooth roads.

The second one is emanating from somewhere in the rear hatch. It sounds almost as if the glass or another surface is clicking against another surface on rough patches particularly when the car is cold. Again, all kinds of foam has been added, the interior plastic trim pieces have been removed, clips replaced, the license plate has been re-attached securely and rubber stoppers adjusted, all to no avail.

At this point, I'm wondering how I might go about troubleshooting these things myself, as I'm really not confident the service centers can actually resolve them. I'm hoping someone out there who's had similar nagging rattles or squeaks has some ideas that might lead to getting these fixed once and for all.
 
Sucks. The only thing I can recommend, and I bet you've done this, is to have somebody else in the car who can get right up close to the areas to see if they can really pinpoint the area. I haven't had this in my MS, but have in other cars. It is simply maddening. I feel your pain.
 
My experiences ...

It's probably the vent ... I had a similar rattle on occasion. Turned out to be the a/c vent. You can test by carefully stuffing some foam in between the vents and see if it repeats. SC replaced it.

Second, if you have a pano roof, may be the seal for the glass. Glass sits on it and as car flexes, it seems to make that sound. Put some lubricant all around the seal and see if that solves it.
 
The second one is emanating from somewhere in the rear hatch. It sounds almost as if the glass or another surface is clicking against another surface on rough patches particularly when the car is cold. Again, all kinds of foam has been added, the interior plastic trim pieces have been removed, clips replaced, the license plate has been re-attached securely and rubber stoppers adjusted, all to no avail.

Do you have the pano roof? The pano roof can make a sound like glass clicking and is sometimes really hard to track down -- sometimes it sounds like it is coming from the rear hatch.