So what do you say in reply to your car?

[garym999]

In a lighthearted manner and in reply to all the bing, bongs and screen messages what do you say back ?

• That’s a nice gentle low priority bong. Oh you want me to take over now! As it gets confused by the radius of a bend or can’t handle the Lane markings at intersections.
• How many road cones have you counted to day?
• You want me provide steering input? I have. You want more input, ah but not that much, I’ll drive now shall I?
• Correction applied for your safety. Do you know how narrow the lanes can be? Let’s turn it off shall we, please stop turning back on, I have acknowledged your warning.
• What was that for? Phantom breaking
• Loving the nodding donkey effect. Perhaps you could accelerate slower and brake softer… While on cruise in traffic
• Bing… bong… bleep. What did any of those mean?
• Thanks for blinding those people with your high beams. Don’t worry I’ll do it for you.

 

[Regulo]

SHUT THE **** UP, STUPID THING!!!!!

 

[Lockey]

At best I just call it a "stupid car", usually closer to what Regulo shouts at his!

Does anyone actually use auto dipping for headlights? To be fair every car I've had with that function flashes other drivers every now and again so it's not just a Tesla thing.

 

[garym999]

Last car I had with them, a SMax, was faultless unless it was foggy. Still getting used to the Tesla and try to program my mussle memory with the way the stalk works switching between auto/manual.

Back to theme, I feel like a naughty boy the way it nags not someone with decades of driving under the belt

 

[Cnixon]

I do say thank you to my car when it does something 'just a bit earlier' than I was 'planning to do it!'

 

[speedyranger74]

Whaaat a faaaak

 

[ACarneiro]

“Oh, for ***k’s sake!” when it does yet another phantom brake.

 

[JonB]

SHUT THE **** UP, STUPID THING!!!!!

^^ This!

My Mrs doesn't understand why I'd curse at an inanimate object, but I say it makes me feel better. I'm fed up of the three loud high pitched beeps it makes when I drive past a parked car, or the "take control immediately" message (accompanied with those infernal beeps) when it is plainly obvious I am in control. As in, it can tell I am turning the wheel when it does this.

 

[spooksman]

I just really wish I could shut some of the noises off, even if only temporarily. It's nigh on impossible to cruise down the motorway with the family asleep - turning on/off auto-steer means waking them (and that's every lane change!).

I like them being asleep - I get some peace...

So in answer to the question "Shhhhhhhhhh!!", followed closely by "Sorry" to the family.

 

[garym999]

Doesnt "Joe Mode" help with that a bit?

 

[T.W.R]

I can’t work out exactly what I do to trigger it, but when I’m pulling back into a left lane on the motorway even with the indicator on but cruise active; auto steer and a load of really loud beeps and warnings telling me I’m veering out of lane.

Every time … expletives louder than the beeps from me !! It’s actually mega frustrating, but seemingly does it less after the last couple of updates.

The beeps on activation and deactivation of auto steer … I sit silently annoyed hoping passengers aren’t noticing them as much!

 

[DenkiJidousha]

Doesnt "Joe Mode" help with that a bit?

Perhaps, but even with Joe mode the car is overly noisy. I think our young children are getting used to it - usually a beep then a tsk noise of disapproval from the driver in frustration about the Tesla failing to understand country roads.

 

[PITA]

... "you're alright, you're alright..." followed by gentle patting of the yoke...

After lane departure warning, phantom braking, dancing lorry stepping on toes, acceleration towards a stationary vehicle, pedestrian walking dog, ...

Got mine on anti-anxiety meds... seems to work

It likes counting cones and Council bins... keeps it calm. Oh and now bonging at bouncing over-excited traffic light clusters when they turn green.

 

[ACarneiro]

Must be upset that you forced it to have a yoke. I would be too

 

[PITA]

Must be upset that you forced it to have a yoke. I would be too

It was only ever an experiment to see if I got on with it before buying a Model S

Standard wheel is going back on soon, so my Wife can drive it.

 

[ACarneiro]

It was only ever an experiment to see if I got on with it before buying a Model S

Standard wheel is going back on soon, so my Wife can drive it.

That’s really interesting.
How did you find it and how long did you have it for?

 

[PITA]

That’s really interesting.
How did you find it and how long did you have it for?

Coming up to one year and 15,000 miles.

I really like it... my Wife can't use it (after a test practice on our driveway).

But I prefer it over a standard wheel... and I'm a qualified Advanced Driver (Car & Motorcycle).

 

[garym999]

Boy did it get the cobb on today…

Was stuck in several miles of stop start traffic at no more than 15mph between hops. So dispite the nodding dog mode from acceleration and deceleration I thought I’d engage TACC. Up comes the blue nag message to hold the wheel. My right hand had been there all tIme. When nagged the wheel was given a tug often going unnoticed or resulting in me being to rough and disengaging it. Kept having ago until it had a strop and told me that TACC was unavailable for the rest of the trip.

Got to the destination and got greeted with a blank screen And then (my fault) kerbed the passenger side front. Grr. Parked up, calmed down and rebooted the system. The walked away so it could sulk and then have a word with itself

 

[greebo]

Coming up to one year and 15,000 miles.

I really like it... my Wife can't use it (after a test practice on our driveway).

But I prefer it over a standard wheel... and I'm a qualified Advanced Driver (Car & Motorcycle).

What did your insurance think of the yoke?