If it's helpful to anyone I'd be happy to try to repeat that process. I'm no longer intetested in updates. Of course I have no idea when that might be.
Wifi-enabled wifi and got an update. I started it immediately.
First screen is "starting update". Car would drive and I went for a 10 minute drive - message remained.
About 20 minutes into the update (now parked) received a message saying the update failed. But the update was still staged and I restarted it.
Now the message changed to "update in progress'. Again I could drive without affecting the update.
Back parked and watching, the screen changed to "car off" and the MCU was unresponsive - no "update" message. The MCU rebooted twice. Car will now not restart but MCU is on, but unresponsive. I can still hear various components making noise. I can still connect with the app which says "installing update".
Another 20 minutes and I get an error that says "software update required, contact service". But the software tab also says "downloading navigation update".
So I guess this is debunked - doesn't sound like a reliable means to defer an update. Sorry.