I think we should define what is meant when we say "brushes"? I've seen and used countless automatic car washes in my lifetime, and I think I've only ever encountered what I'd call "brushes" a couple times. They were these large spinning spools with plasticky cords coming out of them as bristles that would beat the heck out of your paint. Similar in appearance and texture as a thick weed-whacker cord. And yes, they clouded the heck out of the clear coat on my black Camaro in 1991. After spending half a day buffing out the carnage, I vowed to never again do something that dumb. Though in reality, I just avoided THAT particular car wash from then on.
However, nearly every single (non cheap gas station) car wash I've seen since then is of the "soft touch" variety, and use a very pliable cloth (or cloth-like) bristles. Sometimes they look like neoprene, though you can't really tell since they're spinning.
I've been using automatic car washes for every single car I've owned and have never had a problem since.
Yes, I totally agree you need to avoid being the next car in line after a muddy 4x4 just went through. But I've never had any damage from an auto wash that wasn't my own fault (forgot to remove/lower antenna, hit the wheel on the rail, etc...). My paint looks amazing on all my cars. Maybe not show-car quality, but I assure you they're all "like new". My cars tend to be lighter colors due to the intense heat where I live, but I've owned some dark ones too. No swirls, scratches, or damage that I can attribute to auto car washes
I have a subscription to my local automatic car wash for 2 of our cars (our daily-drivers). Our model 3 has had an auto-wash every week for its 2 years. While the front definitely has some rock chips from driving, the car otherwise looks fantastic (granted it is white and would show swirls much less). My wife's dark colored Terrain (a 2013) has some minor swirling, but it's 8 years old and has spent most of its life outside.
Maybe some of you having problems are using automatic car washes with the old plastic bristles? just a thought.