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Telsa Model X Production Secrets Revealed!

Discussion in 'Model X: Ordering, Production, Delivery' started by evanevery, Apr 29, 2016.

  1. evanevery

    evanevery Member

    Feb 5, 2016
    Waukesha, WI
    There seems to be a lot of mystery and questions surrounding the Tesla Model X production process. It appears that many folks are very disappointed in the level of communication provided (or not) by Tesla Motors as their respective vehicles meander through the production process. Well, after extensive research, I’m here to tell you that we should not all be so hard on Tesla. The process, although very precise, is also very difficult to track and predict.

    Using inside information, well placed informants, over the horizon spy satellites, and a Ouija board, we have been able to acquire valuable insight into this highly secretive production process…

    Tesla runs their production process using “just-in-time” manufacturing. Each subcontractor/manufacturer delivers sub-components to the factory “just-in-time” to have those components dumped into a large hopper dedicated to each part. Dump trucks come and go for "minutes a day", bringing all the necessary parts to make these vehicles. If a sub-manufacturer’s parts truck does not arrive in time, the production line can be held up, and the penalties can be VERY severe. We’ve heard of one manufacturer who was actually sent to bed without dinner and no TV for a week. Not fun for anyone! Once a truck arrives, it backs up to the hopper designated for the specific component it is carrying and dumps in the parts. Trucks carrying seats go to one hopper, trucks carrying wheels go to another. Batteries, door panels, etc each go into dedicated hoppers.

    Meanwhile, down on the plant floor, the Foreman pulls a large handle "several times each day" to dump a very precise quantity of parts from each hopper into a single Vehicle Assembly Bin (VAB). The component hoppers are precisely calibrated to dispense exactly the correct number of components to complete one vehicle with each handle pull. Sometimes it’s red door panels, black wheels, and a black interior, other times it’s a different combination of parts. This process is so highly optimized that no one can really know exactly what combination of parts will come out of the hopper. It’s simply beyond the capacity of human prediction.

    At the next station, 5 assembly workers are also dumped into the individual VAB. Tools follow closely behind, and provided no one is injured by falling tools, all 5 workers begin the assembly process for the associated vehicle. The VAB, full of parts, workers, and tools then proceeds down the line as the assembly process is performed to the tune of “It’s a small World”…

    The vehicle will be completed when it reaches the end of the assembly line. The end of the assembly line is where the REAL magic takes place. It is there that you will find Mr Biggles. Mr Biggles is a highly trained bonobo monkey. He holds a Scrabble Bag full of VIN numbers. Mr Biggles will pull a single VIN number from the Scrabble Bag in exchange for a cracker from the Foreman. The Foreman then checks the options associated with the randomly selected VIN number to see if it matches the vehicle which just finished production. If it does not, the VIN number is put back into the Scrabble Bag and another cracker is exchanged with Mr Biggles for a (hopefully) different VIN number. This process continues until a VIN with matching options is randomly selected. (Mr Biggles definitely needs to go on a diet). If that vehicle is yours, then you are one lucky owner. If you are REALLY lucky, you might even be notified that your vehicle has completed production!

    So, please! Don’t be too hard on Tesla. It’s not like they actually know when your vehicle might be produced. It’s a completely random process. Tesla has no control of what parts they are receiving or what order they may be placed on the line. No one really knows anything about when you might take delivery on your car. Unless maybe Mr. Biggles… …and apparently…He’s not talking!

    Up next: Insight into the Vehicle Transportation Scheduling and Delivery….
    • Funny x 8
  2. CitizenKane

    CitizenKane Member

    Mar 5, 2016
    • Like x 1
  3. umeshunni

    umeshunni Member

    Jan 4, 2016
    San Francisco, CA
    I wish I had the sense of humor to appreciate this, but after this wait, I don't :(
    • Like x 2
  4. FlaNudistXOwner

    Jan 22, 2016
    Fort Lauderdale,FL
  5. Johan

    Johan Took a TSLA bear test. Came back negative.

    Feb 9, 2012
    Drammen, Norway
    I love chair
  6. ptsagcy

    ptsagcy Member

    Nov 4, 2013
    @Johan LMAO :D
  7. Coolcarx

    Coolcarx Member

    Sep 21, 2015
    This could explain why the white seats are delivered with stains on them.
  8. Krugerrand

    Krugerrand Well-Known Member

    Jul 13, 2012
    This is total fabrication. I know it for a fact because you made not a single reference to cowbell.
    • Funny x 1
  9. aesculus

    aesculus Still Trying to Figure this All Out

    May 31, 2015
    Northern California
    Didn't you sign an NDA not to disclose this stuff?:)
  10. WilliamZ

    WilliamZ Member

    Mar 30, 2016
    San Clemente, CA
    You made me read all this on a early Saturday morning? You are good! And... Nice joke on Tesla...
  11. ssq

    ssq Member

    Oct 23, 2013
    I visualized the whole thing as an episode of How It's Made in vivid details with giant hoppers and the foreman turning the large red handle several times! Until Mr. Biggles came into the scene.. but no problems, I closed my eyes harder shook my head and made it work. Episode back on track.. Mr. Biggles is taking crackers and pulling VINs from the Scrabble bag.. Mr. Biggles I have no VIN... Mr. Biggles please please pick a VIN for TitanoX .. Is it even out from the hopper.. No?! Nooooo noooo..

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