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Tesla Now? Maybe.

Discussion in 'Model S' started by Pruitt, Dec 24, 2015.

  1. Pruitt

    Pruitt Pontificating the obvious

    Jun 27, 2014
    Merchantville NJ
    In November 2014 I posted this thread:

    The person who was ill was my wife. She had stage 4 breast cancer.

    She died four weeks ago tomorrow. I'm still trying to wrap my head around that horrible reality.

    She told me several times during the course of her illness how bad she felt about my not getting the car. She was fighting for her life, and felt bad for me about a car!
    Early this November, knowing what was coming, she told me to use her retirement money to buy the Tesla I almost got last year.

    In one way I think buying the Tesla would be honoring her wishes. I think she really wanted me to do that. But in another way it seems like it's just an incredibly selfish thing to do. Plus buying the car may turn out to be a constant painful reminder of losing her.
    Sometimes life really sucks.
  2. McHoffa


    Sep 29, 2015
    Canton, NC
    I can't even imagine. Though I think if she wanted that for you, maybe the car won't be a painful reminder, but a reminder of her love and selflessness toward you? That's just rough. I'm sorry you've gone through this. Hope despite this that you have a merry Christmas somehow.
  3. Plan B

    Plan B Active Member

    May 8, 2015
    Buy the best, cheapest used one you can find and if it turns out that it's to painful for you sell it. That way you wont lose to much money. If you buy new you will be in the deeper if you need to sell it.
  4. SFOTurtle

    SFOTurtle Active Member

    Jan 21, 2013
    Los Altos, CA
    #4 SFOTurtle, Dec 24, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 24, 2015
    I remember reading your post last November. I'm very sorry to hear of your loss, which must be especially difficult this time of year. You are the only person who can answer the question posed by you, but you need not feel guilty in buying a Tesla. However, I second the advice to buy a CPO MS. I think you'd be honoring your wife's wish and also doing something positive for yourself while not feeling overly guilty that you spent money on a brand new car.
  5. shrspeedblade

    shrspeedblade Rideshare Monkey

    Sep 29, 2015
    CA, United States
    Were your roles reversed, what would you want her to do? ;)
  6. ModelX

    ModelX Active Member

    Aug 24, 2012
    So sorry to hear you went through this! I think she would want you to find joy, if the car will help then buy it.
  7. Canuck

    Canuck Well-Known Member

    Nov 30, 2013
    South Surrey, BC
    So sorry to hear of your loss. If you get a Tesla, and it reminds you of her more often, try to change the thought of her loss to that of the good times you had with her. She sounds like an incredible person to be concerned about you not getting a Tesla while she was suffering, so I'm certain there's lots of good times you had with her that will come to mind when you look at your car. The only good thing about that really deep pain you feel is that it means you had really deep love for her, and her for you.
  8. mwulff

    mwulff Member

    Jan 15, 2015
    I am truly sorry for your loss.

    My eyes tear up when I try to imagine how I would feel if that happened to my wife, so I can't even begin to imagine the sadness and grief of the real situation.

    If it was me I would have done as she asked, but I would probably need / give myself more time to grieve before I went ahead and purchased it.

    Time doesn't heal scars like that completely but it does help with the pain and sorrow. So take your time and when you feel ready I would recommend that you get the car.

    It may sound stupid but there is a real joy to driving this car that never really goes away. It puts a smile on my face every day and some days I just wake up and all I want to do is drive it. Take it out of it's "space-dock" and just hit that horizon.

    I suspect that many owners feel like this and when you're ready it just might patch over some the emotional pain and loss.

    My sincere condolences for your loss and the best of luck to you.
  9. bmah

    bmah Moderator, Model S/X, California Forums

    Mar 17, 2015
    Lafayette, CA, USA
    Brunton, I'm so sorry for your loss.

    One thought: Do you need to make a decision about the car at this particular point in time? If not, why not wait a little while and let things settle down a bit? The time after the death of a loved one can be a stressful and confusing time in which to make major decisions, and if you don't need to decide on the Tesla question right now, maybe you can defer this one for a bit. It sounds like you're still coming to grips with this all (and that's totally understandable). A little more time might help make the right course of action more clear to you. (I say this as someone who lost both parents within a span of 9 months, in 2013 and 2014.)

    Like at least one other person has said, only you can decide what's the right thing for you to do, but IMHO it's OK to do something good for yourself.

    I wish you the best...

  10. pedriscoll

    pedriscoll Active Member

    May 30, 2015
    Indianapolis, Indiana
    I am very sorry for your loss. I am holding back tears just thinking about what you are going through. I think you should give yourself a little time before making the decision. As a physician, I have always advised my patients not to make a major decision when under this kind of stress. When and if it feels right, buy the car and think of her whenever you drive it. She will be smiling down at you!
  11. NSCabezon

    NSCabezon New Member

    Dec 25, 2015
    Ive been reading this forums for a while now, but your message made me register just to answer you, my mom died on January this year, pancreas cancer, and I feel a bit like you. It's been almost a year now and it doesn't get much better... She always listened me saying how tesla is a great company and how it would change the world, maybe even more than she wanted.

    I don't know what to say, it is a great car and if she agreed with you buying a tesla (my dream car) maybe is a way of honoring her indeed, in my case I don't have the money yet but I'll definitely buy it as soon as I can and name it Rita like my mom. That way she'll be with me forever :)

    be strong man

  12. DiamondDave

    DiamondDave Member

    Jul 24, 2015
    Silver Spring, Maryland, USA
    So sorry for your loss. Best wishes during what must be a difficult time of year for you.

    I agree with those who suggest waiting a bit if possible, after the holiday season and after more of a grieving period.
  13. Cattledog

    Cattledog Active Member

    Feb 9, 2012
    San Antonio, TX
    Your wife sounds like a wonderful woman - she lives on in you and everyone who's lives she touched. When it feels right, buy the Tesla. It will hurt for awhile, it may hurt forever. But my guess is after awhile the car will help you remember all the wonderful times you spent together. Many Blessings.
  14. physicsfita

    physicsfita Member

    Jan 20, 2014
    Ann Arbor, MI
    My deepest condolences. This is a hard time, and make sure to take advantage of the support that is around you. Just to build on bmah's point, my father was in the life insurance business. The advice he would give was to try to put off major financial decisions for 6 months to a year. Once you have gone though the hard work of grieving, you will be in a better state to figure out what is best for you.
  15. jlake02

    jlake02 Member

    Dec 11, 2015

    I agree with this.

    Terribly sorry for your loss. In my opinion the best thing would be to wait a bit. Heal first. Then decide.

    God bless you moving forward.
  16. ItsNotAboutTheMoney

    ItsNotAboutTheMoney Well-Known Member

    Jul 12, 2012
    You were going to get a Model S.
    You had other priorities that prevented the purchase.
    You no longer have those other priorities.

    Don't buy it because your wife told you to buy it.
    Also, don't not buy it because of associations with your wife's cancer.
    Just look at your current circumstances.

    My condolences. Cancer sucks.
  17. Cyclone

    Cyclone Cyclonic Member ((.oO))

    Jan 12, 2015
    Charlotte, NC
    Brunton, my deepest sympathies for your loss. The past year cannot have been easy and from what you have shared, it sounds like your wife was an amazing woman.

    I agree with many others that whatever you choose to do, it will be the right decision to you, but wait to make until more time has passed. Four weeks in + the holidays is not enough time to come to terms around a big decision like this. I would wait at least another six months, if not a year.

    You will have wonderful memories of your wife either way and you can honor her wishes in multiple ways. But you never know if suddenly you decide you need to move because it's too painful to be in that house anymore, or maybe it's too big, or now you want to live closer to others, etc. You need time to get your life without your wife settled, and then make the decision that is right for you.

    In the meantime, know that you were loved, are loved, and she will always be in your heart.
  18. Discoducky

    Discoducky Active Member

    Dec 25, 2011
    It is very hard to write this as I'm welling up thinking about what you are going thru. Very sorry for your loss.

    My Tesla reminds me of my Grandfather-in-law who passed away in early 2011, but who was really the only person in my family who was interested in talking about electric cars with me. I have a cousin who manages a GM dealership in the mid-west who is not to keen on the idea.

    He and I would talk for hours about the Leaf and Volt as he would compare them to the Edison he rode in as a kid. He remembered riding in the Edison vividly and was actually worried about the instability of the batteries back then as he remembered it having a burning smell, giving off serious radiant heat and apparently had bad brakes.

    We watched the Rawlinson videos together and it was apparent to both of us how safety was paramount in the design, followed closely by performance, beauty and me going on about software integration.

    Good memories...
  19. islandbayy

    islandbayy Active Member

    Feb 25, 2013
    Greendale, Wisconsin

    Might I register my opinion/feelings on the matter. While I haven't lost someone like you have (Getting rid of the ex-wife doesn't count, as that was a cause to celebrate) however, for me it's a bit different. I am now (for about 3 years) a single father of two awesome little boys, 5 and 7, the 7 year old is disabled. The three of us do everything together.
    On the occasion my 7 year old is sick, not feeling well, in the hospital etc... or whatever happens that requires him to not be with me, or in the case my boys are at grandma and grandpa, or in the very unusual case where their Mother actually wants them.... And I am driving around without them, weather it'm working, or it feels the worst when I'm out, heaven forbid, taking down time for myself (I feel so guilty enjoying myself when my boys aren't or cant be with me), it feels strange, awkward, and all around lonely. It really hit bad while my oldest was in the hospital this week. While I was at the hospital for ~20-22hrs/day with him, only getting a short break to run home, wash up, check the mail, pay bills, maybe get a few, then very late, customers shipments to the post office and return. #1, I didn't get to see my youngest at all that week as he was bunked at grannies house, and #2, felt very bad that I actually left my son at the hospital, and wasn't by his side. I felt absolutely horrible about that.

    Sorry, I got a bit off track. What I'm getting at, is I found myself talking as if they were still in the car with me. Like I said, the three of us go absolutely everywhere together. We do tons of road trips, long trips, short trips, random drives for fun, and to find new places. But, without them, it felt so different, and what helped was talking like they were still in the car with me, acting like they are still with me. I'm sure other drivers thought I was nuts talking to myself (Or I suppose it could have been "Hands Free" bluetooth connection....).

    So I say go for it. It will HONOR her memory, and it may even help the hurt. I know I can't relate to your pain, I'm in a different situation all together, but here's what I recommend. Get the car, plan a nice road trip out. Doesn't need to be too long, or it can if you like long trips. Bring a photograph with you. Buckle the passenger front seat belt and place the photo of her behind the seat belt. Make sure it is as happy of a photo, with her biggest smile you can find! Don't put anything else on that seat. You know why? Because she IS with you. While the photo is a nice visualization, her spirit is sitting in that chair, and enjoying the trip with you. Talk to her. You may not HEAR her respond, but, you will feel it. May it hurt? Most likely for a while. But I firmly believe that hurt will go away.

    As you drive, and make sure you talk OUT LOUD!, have some nice music softly playing. Talk about all the good times you had together. Talk about all the memories, adventures you've had, fun events you went to. I'm not sure if you ever had children, if so, talk about them. Mentally relive your Children's Childhood. Relive the Good and the Bad. Just whatever you do, keep on talking. I had a long time to think about a similar situation on 2 occasions with deaths. Not quite like your situation, but I had a aunt I was very close to. My fathers sister. I had a 1000 mile drive to her home/city when she passed away. In fact, I was actually originally going to visit her in the hospital, but she passed the day before I had left home (Many regrets on that, I stayed back to finish some finals at school, because if I missed them, I would have had to retake the whole semester over again, some things are more important, and I really screwed that up). Anyways, now, I had a 1000 mile straight through drive, and all the time in the world to think. So I just started talking as if she was with me. And did it help. Big Time. I won't say it doesn't still hurt, but, it lessens the pain, and remembering all the good times, has helped in the sense, instead of feeling pain inside that shes gone when I think about her, or someone brings up her name, now I remember all the good. Even when I tell stories to my youngest. Man, if she was still with us, her and my youngest would be two nutcase peas in a pod!

    Sorry for the novel..... I hope my opinion helps!
  20. ThortsMD

    ThortsMD Member

    Nov 30, 2012
    I lost my love in early 2012. He was a technophile. Always had the latest computer gear, games, etc. He would have LOVED Tesla. But I didn't discover Tesla until later that fall.

    It was the excitement of discovering Tesla, the anticipation of ordering, the waiting, and the giddy joy of the arrival that helped bring me out of my doldrums.

    When delivery came, I realized that there was a hole in the experience. It wasn't until later that I realized that I missed enjoying this fun time with him.

    Upthread it was said that the owner especially looks forward to driving time. As do I. Sometimes I can hardly sleep the night before a long drive or the start of a long road trip. Many times, the long drives give me time to think of him. How he would have loved the car, the *idea* the company stands for, the speed and the tech! When I'm driving, and one of our songs plays, I remember him more keenly, and miss him more acutely. But I feel I remember him better, too. It's almost like sharing it with him. It's more than once that I have been driving down the road, singing at the top of my lungs, thinking of him, tears streaming down my face, that I realize something. My cheeks are hurting. From smiling so hard.

    If you choose to buy, I would echo the advice above. Wait a while. But don't be afraid of linking the car to your memories of her. Linking them may be healing healing for you, as it has been for me, allowing me to bring my memories and love to the surface. And bringing joy.

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