In November 2014 I posted this thread:
http://www.teslamotorsclub.com/showthread.php/38035-No-More-Tesla
The person who was ill was my wife. She had stage 4 breast cancer.
She died four weeks ago tomorrow. I'm still trying to wrap my head around that horrible reality.
She told me several times during the course of her illness how bad she felt about my not getting the car. She was fighting for her life, and felt bad for me about a car!
Early this November, knowing what was coming, she told me to use her retirement money to buy the Tesla I almost got last year.
In one way I think buying the Tesla would be honoring her wishes. I think she really wanted me to do that. But in another way it seems like it's just an incredibly selfish thing to do. Plus buying the car may turn out to be a constant painful reminder of losing her.
Sometimes life really sucks.
Might I register my opinion/feelings on the matter. While I haven't lost someone like you have (Getting rid of the ex-wife doesn't count, as that was a cause to celebrate) however, for me it's a bit different. I am now (for about 3 years) a single father of two awesome little boys, 5 and 7, the 7 year old is disabled. The three of us do everything together.
On the occasion my 7 year old is sick, not feeling well, in the hospital etc... or whatever happens that requires him to not be with me, or in the case my boys are at grandma and grandpa, or in the very unusual case where their Mother actually wants them.... And I am driving around without them, weather it'm working, or it feels the worst when I'm out, heaven forbid, taking down time for myself (I feel so guilty enjoying myself when my boys aren't or cant be with me), it feels strange, awkward, and all around lonely. It really hit bad while my oldest was in the hospital this week. While I was at the hospital for ~20-22hrs/day with him, only getting a short break to run home, wash up, check the mail, pay bills, maybe get a few, then very late, customers shipments to the post office and return. #1, I didn't get to see my youngest at all that week as he was bunked at grannies house, and #2, felt very bad that I actually left my son at the hospital, and wasn't by his side. I felt absolutely horrible about that.
Sorry, I got a bit off track. What I'm getting at, is I found myself talking as if they were still in the car with me. Like I said, the three of us go absolutely everywhere together. We do tons of road trips, long trips, short trips, random drives for fun, and to find new places. But, without them, it felt so different, and what helped was talking like they were still in the car with me, acting like they are still with me. I'm sure other drivers thought I was nuts talking to myself (Or I suppose it could have been "Hands Free" bluetooth connection....).
So I say go for it. It will HONOR her memory, and it may even help the hurt. I know I can't relate to your pain, I'm in a different situation all together, but here's what I recommend. Get the car, plan a nice road trip out. Doesn't need to be too long, or it can if you like long trips. Bring a photograph with you. Buckle the passenger front seat belt and place the photo of her behind the seat belt. Make sure it is as happy of a photo, with her biggest smile you can find! Don't put anything else on that seat. You know why? Because she IS with you. While the photo is a nice visualization, her spirit is sitting in that chair, and enjoying the trip with you. Talk to her. You may not HEAR her respond, but, you will feel it. May it hurt? Most likely for a while. But I firmly believe that hurt will go away.
As you drive, and make sure you talk OUT LOUD!, have some nice music softly playing. Talk about all the good times you had together. Talk about all the memories, adventures you've had, fun events you went to. I'm not sure if you ever had children, if so, talk about them. Mentally relive your Children's Childhood. Relive the Good and the Bad. Just whatever you do, keep on talking. I had a long time to think about a similar situation on 2 occasions with deaths. Not quite like your situation, but I had a aunt I was very close to. My fathers sister. I had a 1000 mile drive to her home/city when she passed away. In fact, I was actually originally going to visit her in the hospital, but she passed the day before I had left home (Many regrets on that, I stayed back to finish some finals at school, because if I missed them, I would have had to retake the whole semester over again, some things are more important, and I really screwed that up). Anyways, now, I had a 1000 mile straight through drive, and all the time in the world to think. So I just started talking as if she was with me. And did it help. Big Time. I won't say it doesn't still hurt, but, it lessens the pain, and remembering all the good times, has helped in the sense, instead of feeling pain inside that shes gone when I think about her, or someone brings up her name, now I remember all the good. Even when I tell stories to my youngest. Man, if she was still with us, her and my youngest would be two nutcase peas in a pod!
Sorry for the novel..... I hope my opinion helps!
