Thanks for the replies, and the varied opinions, they are all welcome. As has been pointed out there aren't major differences between the 18 and 21 versions, but that's not the only consideration. My prior car was a BMW 335 which has one distinguishing characteristic, at least for me, a high quality suspension that is engaging when you drive "with gusto". My Tesla lacks that. My car is also pretty noisy on most roads, especially those that aren't well maintained or have any texture to them. The BMW wasn't perfect on those roads either, but it was better than the Tesla.
The 2021 M3, from what I've read about it, may address some of these issues with more sound deadening material (dual pane windows, more sound insulation) along with a suspension upgrade made in 2019 and carried forward. I also wonder if the 18" standard wheel/tire combination would ride a bit smoother than my upgraded 19" wheel/tire combo.
The extra range of the newer car is welcome, but is also the result of redesigning the electric motors, which is further optimized by dual motors, a feature that my car lacks. Add to that the little upgrades - the 3.0 computer, minor interior changes, and the differences, while minor individually are more impactful overall.
I also will have about $1,000-1,200 in tire replacement costs coming up soon, and while my battery is "OK", the range has been reduced as a normal consequence of aging and cycling. I called Tesla service two months ago and they told me to "rebalance" the battery. Run it down to under 10%, charge up to 90%, repeat often. I've done that a few times (I'm not driving as much as I had been), but the range tops out at 270-280 miles or so. Again, not life changing, but enough that I occasionally have to make an extra charging stop when visiting family.
On the other hand, $15K is still more than "couch money" (I love that analogy). And since the changes are not overwhelming that's why I was considering moving to the Model S when they lowered the price below $70K. My thoughts there were that for $35-40K I'd be moving into a different car with a better suspension, more space, greater range, etc. With the price now running back to $80K that seems less of a bargain than it was, so I've decided against it. I also agree that the battery pack in the S is somewhat less sophisticated than the 3, and the inability to accept the full power of Tesla's new 250KW charging power is a bit disappointing, especially for a road car that has a range beyond 400 miles.
The CT is too far away, at least for now, to be part of the conversation, and even if it were here today I'm not really a truck guy. The other reality is that I'm a "senior citizen" with all that that implies. And, to be blunt, there is a timeline at my age that is part of my thought process that wasn't present 20 years ago. As the clerk in Walmart said when I asked: "Where are the LED lightbulbs?" "Why bother, get the regular ones." he replied. The point was clear, even if unspoken. Comfort, quiet, gentle has replaced fast, aggressive and sporty in my priorities. The Tesla sedans seem targeted for that market, the CT less so.
My friend's MB is quite a car, beyond what I'm willing to spend, but it has a very nice understated interior, rides very well and is quiet and solid. I don't expect that from the M3, nor really from the S, but the S is far closer than the 3 to that feeling/ride, and that is one feature missing, IMHO, in a Tesla. The new plaid version will be a wonderful car for those who are looking for what it offers. I've moved away from those priorities, and that's a large part of the reason for considering the switch to the newer 3, or even the S. By the way, I tried the Y and while I can appreciate what it offers, I'm more of a sedan guy than a SUV guy.
Finally, my wife just replaced her BMW 335D with a 330E - the plug in electric. That car is severely compromised as an EV with a range of 20 miles (!), but that's not the reason for buying that car. It's the combination of torque and seamless integration of the ICE and EV motor. The 335D turbo-diesel had 430 lb/ft of torque - a wonderful push in all driving conditions. That's one great feature of the Tesla, which I truly enjoy. The new 330E has that same mountain of torque on demand, but it also has a far more refined suspension than my M3, and is quieter and smoother in all driving settings. Since much of our driving, especially in COVID, is short range, her battery pack has been sufficient to represent over 80% of her driving miles. The charger plugs into a standard 120V plug and fully charges overnight, or in 3 hours of so on my J1772 Clipper Creek EVSE (I bought that when I bought a Nissan Leaf and BMW i3 long before the Tesla) which powers my M3 with the adaptor.
The 330E is similarly priced to the Tesla, but still has an EV credit bringing the cost down below the Tesla. I still prefer the Tesla, but not by very much. The autopilot is the winning difference, very helpful when returning from a visit the kids and driving for 3 hours on the interstate in all weather conditions.
And that is why I'm asking my original question. It's not just the upgrade, it's the comfort/noise/gentleness that I miss in other cars, the quality of materials, etc. Does that mean Tesla has missed the market for me - clearly not, but it does help explain why I haven't been 100% happy with the M3 in 2.5 years of ownership. As long as my 3 grandsons can continue to play games, watch Netflix, and enjoy autopilot I'll still be the "cool grandpa", but there is still an itch I haven't fully scratched for myself.
Again, thanks for the help as I sort through all of this - the forum is much less expensive than a session with a psychiatrist.
