I would avoid automatic car washes. Remember, you have sensors and cameras all around the exterior. Pick a reputable car wash shampoo, wax and detailer. Wax at least quarterly, and detail after every wash if possible (weekly or biweekly depending on your situation). The detailer will protect the paint in between waxing. If your car is garage kept, you could probably extend the intervals. I use a quality wash mitt, two buckets with grit guards (one for soap, the other to rinse the mitt), quality microfibers(for waxing and detailing) and a high quality drying towel. Microfibers / wheel brush for the wheel / tires should be kept in a separate bucket and only used for the wheels. Just my 2 cents.
As for products? I'm a staunch believer in Chemical Guys, but you can use any reputable brand. They all get the job done.