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All the Issues... Completely Undrivable at the Moment

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Well, this is not a great introduction to Tesla. I'm very sorry for the long post.

I bought my 2015 Model S P85D a couple of weeks ago. I haven't driven it a whole lot. Maybe 100 miles or so. Yesterday I drove into the town with my 3 1/2 year old to get a car wash. This is a stationary no-touch car wash if that might makes a difference. I set the suspension to the highest setting (to maybe wash inside the wheel wells better), and put the car in park once I was in position. I manually turned off the dome lights, so we could watch the car wash lights. The car wash finished, I drove it home and backed into my driveway with no issues. When I opened the driver's door, the dome lights didn't come on, even after I set them back to auto. Also, the driver's door puddle light was blinking on and off in a seemingly steady pattern. I didn't think a whole lot about it, got out of the car, shut the door, and walked around to the right rear door. The door handles were retracted and did not self-present. My son opened the door from the inside. Not thinking, I shut the door and we were locked out. The auto headlights did not turn off. After a call to service and tinkering around with the app, I got the climate control to turn on and the hatch to open, although powered, it did not open on its own. I had my son crawl through and open the driver's door. I reset both screens, which did not solve the issue. I tried a few things inside. The wipers work, but not the windows. I pushed the hazard light button, but they did not come on. I did walk away from the car at one point (to have a bourbon, if I'm being honest), and the headlights turned off and the hazard lights turned on. Partly because I hadn't done it since I bought the car, and because of this issue, I did a factory reset from the main screen and called it a night. The hazards were on all night, all doors were shut except for the rear hatch (which was shut, but not latched), and the door handles were all presented. This morning, I walked out with a key fob in my pocket, and the now retracted door handles self-presented. I got in the car, called service again, and we spent 45 minutes or so working on the issue. I also took apart the frunk to see if maybe the 12v battery was the issue. At some point, someone has replaced the original battery with a lithium from Ohmmu, so I'm unable to test it with my battery tester.

About an hour ago, the car itself and the app, went from showing both the front and rear trunks open, along with the driver's door. All of them were shut. Then the app showed everything shut up and locked properly, so I tried honking the horn from the app, and it worked. I got in the car to try to move it, but it still wouldn't recognize there was a key fob with me. The mirrors were folded and as I walked up to the driver's door all the door handles self-presented and the mirrors unfolded. I just checked the app before posting this, and the driver's door shows open, but it is not. I can still control the climate control from the app and open both the front and rear trunks with the key fob. It seems as though every time I walk away from the car for some time, things change, But it still does not recognize the key fob is with me. I did try updating the key fob, but the card didn't even recognize it was there, next to the antenna near the center console power point.

I have an appointment at my local service center for Thursday, but I'm really hoping to get this resolved, especially since there is no warranty left on this car.

I am very familiar with most things automotive, but again, this is my first Tesla, and I am at a complete loss.
 
Well, I have good news and I have bad news.

The good news is, Tesla was able to remotely diagnose the issue as being stuck in a boot loop, where it was constantly rebooting itself. This is why I was able to access the car via the app every once in awhile. They sent an update to the car which I was able to install from the app. This fixed the problem seemingly completely. I drove the car a couple of times, including my first supercharging venture, and all was well.

The bad news is, I took the car through the same car wash, and I'm now having almost exactly the same issue. I have an appointment at my local service center for next week, but I'm hoping Tesla reaches out as they did before and the problem can be corrected with another update. Obviously, at this point, water is getting into the car somewhere and causing this issue. I have no problem hand washing my car from now on, but my concern now is how the car might react in a hard rain storm, driving through a puddle, etc. With that, it's my intention to still get the car into the service center where they can hopefully find and correct the issue.
 
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I had this EXACT issue after going through a carwash with my 2016 MS. Only, upon exiting the carwash, the car "went into neutral" and was free rolling. Rebooting screens etc... did nothing, powered doors did not work, nothing powered was functional. Headlights stuck on etc... I did not have my tools with me so i couldn't do much of anything. I think this was 2018 maybe 2019. It was a PITA, as my disabled son was in the back seat. Called my sister to pick up my disabled son once I got him out. Had the car towed to Tesla (it was 6pm-ish). Wasn't going to screw with it myself, at night, in a parking lot with no tools.
Tesla service was so back logged at the time, they were running shifts 24/7, so someone was there to accept the vehicle. They left it overnight and were going to work on it in the morning. Got a call in the morning, the car at some point reset itself, and everything was working normally.
I picked up the car, and it has never happened again. I run it through the (touchless) wash 2-4x/week, every week, since (Unlimited wash pass for $25/month and I switch off which vehicle gets washed. It's a crappy wash, really is, but for the price, it is great for the winter and then tree sap season).
 
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