Don't get me wrong, hers is a nice car and we've enjoyed owning it, but my paradigm has permanently shifted!
- Wait - why is the car so cold, and why isn't it ready to go once I fasten the seat belt??
- How do I start this thing again?? Oh, right, push button on the dash...
- What's all that RACKET?!? Oh, right - ICE, and diesel, to boot...
- Arrrgghhh - I didn't mean to activate the wipers!!
- Where's the shifter again - oh, yeah - that big lever in the console
- Whoa - started moving as soon as I shifted - hit the brakes, quick!
- What's all that RACKET?!? - part deux
- Noise changed - oh, right, this thing has a transmission!
- (approaching a stoplight) - Brakes, brakes, brakes!
- (squeezes throttle) - 425+ lb. ft. of torque at ~1300 rpm used to seem like a LOT! Now, notsomuch, at least compared with 475 lb. ft. @ ZERO rpm.
- Wow - the B&O audio definitely doesn't sound as good as the system in my M3P
- (squints) - How am I supposed to see the NAV on that tiny screen?!?!
- Sure wish these seats were as comfy as mine...
- I'm in a parking spot - why is the engine still running?
- (walks away from the car) LOCK ALREADY, stupid car!
Great list.
I get into my somewhat souped up Lexus IS 350 (~325 hp) with its track-level shocks and suspension and Michelin SuperSport tires, and think:
1) WTF! Something must be seriously wrong with the engine. This thing used to be fast, now I floor it, and it sort of oozes forward, making a God-awful racket! Parking brake must be on . . .but where is that thing?
2) Somebody REALLLLLLY F-ed up the seats! They suck! There is no comfortable driving position!
3) Every bump, crack, and road imperfection hammers me - rides like a frickin' tank, so where's the kidney belt??
4) Bend it into a curve . . . at last . . . . something the car doesn't suck at! Hah!
5) Needs gas all the time. What happened to the 100+MPG? Gas stations . . .are GROSS!
5) Who replaced the panel with this POS cell phone screen? Where is the mic button? Whataya mean the NAV system won't accept verbal commands!
Geeez - somebody must have really messed this car up while it's been parked in the garage for 5-6 months! Who knew we had frickin' gremlins living in the garage!!
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