So to close up this thread, since I was asked to provide a final status, I picked up the car last night. Shiply worked as a transport provider, and my advisor was able to arrange release of the vehicle without my physical presence. All in, it cost a couple of thousand dollars and a few dozen hours. Once figured out and settled though, it was pretty easy.
I'd like to see Tesla offer a standard price to move the vehicle for you, but interestingly, as I was picking up the car, there was another guy in the dealership asking to do the exact same thing from literally the same location. He was told a flat no. It occurs to me that there's a business opportunity waiting for someone here...
Anyway, my wife has her car, and between last night and this morning, enough people have drooled over it that she is mostly over her frustrations and all is well.