The Tessie App has an option to not wake the Car instead presumably getting the Car status from Tesla, the App inself is very good, Intuitive User Interface etc. I"not affiliated but I am a Fan, you might want to check it out.
None of the apps talk to the car direct, just the Tesla servers. But some of the calls to the Tesla servers will then poll the car. You can only get limited info from the calls that do not poll the car, but you can deduce whether the car is asleep or not from them.
If the car is awake, the app can then call for info from the car, but if the car is asleep, not call for it. That allows the car to sleep of its own accord. Where things get a little more tricky is when the car is found to be awake - do you then make a call to get info from the car, or do you not bother and give the car a chance to sleep. There are various hints to all that decision to be made, including stopping making calls if the car is not driving etc either immediately or after a period of time - TeslaFi for instance gives good control over that. But if another app is keeping the car awake, that confuses the situation because all the apps are unaware of what the others are up to. If you poll too frequently, you keep the car awake, if you poll too infrequently, you can miss data especially during transition periods.
Some apps also use the streaming API, which is where an app subscribes to data being sent by the car without the need to poll in the same way. But very few apps (TeslaMate is an example) use the streaming API and I don't know the reason for the limited take up - although my guess is that because TeslaMate is self hosted, you have a 1:1 subscription, where as something like TeslaFi is a centralised service for all users, so you will have 1:many subscriptions which may well be a limitation when something like TeslaFi has tens thousand+ vehicles. Unfortunately documentation for the streaming API is scarce.
It would be so much better if Tesla conceded that there is a need and come up with a documented public API that can concurrently used by several third party apps.