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Manual control of “starting the car?”

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Is it possible to disable or delay the “Auto On” functionality of the vehicle? Sometimes I’ll go out to the car to grab something out of the passenger seat an hour after I get home, or go out there before bed to put something I don’t want to forget in the car. In such cases, when I open the door the car tries to “start,” and it makes me cringe hearing the “whack-whack” of those giant relays closing to connect the main battery. It feels as if I am just unnecessarily cranking the starter on an ICE for a quarter second every time open the door.

I have gotten to where I’ll get home and leave the windows open to I can do this without opening the door, or sometimes I’ll even put stuff on top of the car until morning.

Is there a way to stop the car from trying to power everything up every time I touch it?
 
To my knowledge, no.

You worry too much. A relay switch causes incomparably less wear and tear than starting an internal combustion engine.
I am less comparing it to fully starting an ICE than I am reflecting on how the relay is a common point of failure for ICE starters.

I am not sure I’ll keep this vehicle for 150k or even 100k miles, but that is around the point I would preemptively replace a starter (and many other ICE components) to prevent getting stranded for a $150 part. However, I have no idea how hard these battery relays are to replace.

Of course, maybe they can be replaced down the road without tearing the car apart (and costing thousands at a service center)? Or, alternatively, maybe being so critical to functionality, perhaps they are built to comfortably handle orders of magnitude more cycles than a typical ICE starters?
 

Apparently I am not the first concerned by this. Fortunately, presuming Tesla’s electronics are good about minimizing current while the contactors are switching, the 1,000,000 cycles rating should keep them relatively trouble free.

Of course, relatively is the operative word, because my searching indicates the contactors are occasionally the culprit when major battery service is required. But, I am definitely less worried about it now!
 
Hmmm, seems like you would like an on-off switch or button, like in most other cars... in an EV context, such a car would not fully power up until turned on (but would be minimally powered for such things as doors and locks even when "off").

It doesnt fully power up, but goes from deep sleep to "awake" and closes the contactors./

Op, no, there is nothing I have ever read about a model 3 or Y vehicle that prevents the contactors from closing (waking up the vehicle) when you go open or otherwise access it. They also close every time you access the car via the app. There is nothing you can do about that other than leaving the car alone.

I personally dont think its an issue, because I have not seen a huge rash of issues with contactors on a Model 3.
 
I am less comparing it to fully starting an ICE than I am reflecting on how the relay is a common point of failure for ICE starters.
I believe the starter relay in ICE cars, also called solenoid, is very different, because it does not only switch on the starter current, but also, as Wikipedia explains:

When DC power from the starting battery is applied to the solenoid, usually through a key-operated switch (the "ignition switch"), the solenoid engages a lever that pushes out the drive pinion on the starter driveshaft and meshes the pinion with the starter ring gear on the flywheel of the engine.[7]

Thus the ICE starter system is more convoluted and more error-prone than the simple standard relays in Tesla cars.

If, as has been mentioned here, these relays are rated for a million cycles, and if you cycle them 100 times a day, they would still last for 30 years. I would not worry.
 
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