is it connected to wifi when you are at home / where you live? In any case, you are almost a year behind on updates I think. Submit a service request through the tesla app or website for an update. You may have a corrupt update stuck partially downloading.
You wont see the "software" menu because that change is newer than the updates you have. The software menu is not necessary to get updates. As long as the car is:
1. Registered to you so you, with the tesla app (you can log into the tesla app and access the car
2. Not a salvage or otherwise branded title.
You should be able to get tesla to push you an update since you are so far behind. They should be able to do it over the air.