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Winter Grime

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1st year in snow country with my M3. The car gets totally filthy from slush, sand, etc. When run through the brushless car wash, loose stuff is removed but left with a gritty grime--feels like sandpaper. Any ideas on how to remove it without damaging the paint which doesn't have the best reputation for durability?
 
How gritty does it feel like? Sandpaper have various grits.
I noticed when I go through the touches wash it's not completely clean. I have been spraying spray detailer or a waterless wash and wipe with a microfiber towel depending how much grime is left. It's the rocker panels and the rear bumper that is usually the problem for me.
 
How gritty does it feel like? Sandpaper have various grits.
I noticed when I go through the touches wash it's not completely clean. I have been spraying spray detailer or a waterless wash and wipe with a microfiber towel depending how much grime is left. It's the rocker panels and the rear bumper that is usually the problem for me.
It is a fine sandpaper feel. After the touches car wash I followed up with Optimum No Rinse cleaner and Meguiar's Exterior Detailer but have to rub very hard with microfiber towel to remove the grime. Worried that I am damaging the paint. Know of anything that would dissolve the grime?
 
You will drive yourself crazy worrying about tiny scratches. It’s your daily driver, not a museum piece. Leaving the chemicals on the paint is probably worse than the micro scratches from a car wash.

It’s not about tiny scratches. Every time you touch your car you’ll put hairline scratches in the paint. I’m over that. The touch car washes literally THRASH your paint.
 
This is all my opinion and experience, there may be factually better approaches.

Depends on how much effort you want to put in. You could fully strip it with a hand wash (look up the usual, e.g. two-bucket method) using dish soap and then wax it after. This would absolutely get rid of the grime but is a lot of work.

The waterless washes (my experience is with Optimum No Rinse, "ONR") do an okay job but seem to require some elbow grease to actually clean it in such conditions. When it's really dirty and I'm going for maximum clean without a full strip, I:
  • Take it to a self-wash
  • High-pressure wash the bulk of the dirt away
  • Take it home
  • Do a light hand-wash with ONR and realise it's super filthy
  • Wait another day since I only have enough rags for one wash, and they're now in the washing machine/dryer
  • Do a more aggressive hand-wash with ONR
Inevitably, I just don't wash it as often as I should in Winter. It's on the highway daily and just way too hard to keep clean. It's a daily driver and I'm OK with it being a bit dirty all the time in Winter.