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Any advice how NOT to get scammed with a private buyer?

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You must wait for the check to clear the bank. Any check can be forged and use valid bank account numbers. The check can be deposited, and if you have sufficient funds to cover if it is returned, the bank may even cash it for you. That does not mean you won't be responsible several days after the bank transaction is made and verified by the responsible payee bank if it is returned as forged.
This is the problem. They might “cash” the check for you but then demand the funds back when the check bounced. You need to wait at least 10 business days to be sure.

For a total stranger the online escrow seems better but it’s something like a 9% fee. I’d wait 2 weeks for the funds to be clear before paying 9%…