Two and A Half Month Update:
According to FedEx, the last of the parts from the original request my body shop made to Tesla will arrive this Friday (5/3). However, when the shop got some of the parts a few weeks ago and started actually taking the car apart, they realized they needed a few more parts than they had originally expected.
Unsurprisingly, those new parts that they needed have been sitting in the "In Processing - Unknown ETA" status for the past 2 weeks. I think that means the parts aren't in stock. Still in parts limbo. 3 final parts waiting to be sent. Will hopefully all be fixed in the next month, but obviously "ETA Unknown".
One thing I would recommend to people is that if you have a Tesla you should really get extra insurance to cover extra rental car coverage when you get in an accident. The other driver was at fault in my case, so their insurance (which will end up being my insurance since they were underinsured) will cover the rental car cost. However, if I was at fault, my insurance only covers rental cars for 30 days/$900. I would have been paying $1,350 a month + my regular car loan payment to be driving around in a rental Nissan.
I really wish it was worth it for Tesla to invest in their parts process and try to also do some actual customer service around it. I cannot talk to an actual person at Tesla. When a Tesla breaks everyone involved in the process from the tow truck driver, to the insurance agent, to the mechanic think Tesla is the absolute worst to deal with. When a Tesla works, I do believe it is the absolute best car you could own. When a Tesla is broken, it is the worst car you could own.