The Autopilot Song

[malcolm]

Hopefully this will be annoying enough to stick in everyone’s brain.


A new Tesla owner sits and types at a computer, and sings:

Wrote a post online,
About my brand new Tesla,
Not driving like it should in my head.
“This Autopilot sucks, it jerked and swerved and scared me!”
And this is what the forum guys said:​

Splitscreen showing four people at computers in different locations and times of day/night:

CHORUS
“All together now T M C,
Keep your mind on your driving,
Keep your hands on the wheel,
And keep your mark-one eyeballs on the road ahead,
Autopilot’s cool,
But far from autonomic,
It’s just a learner driver instead.”​

Cut back to the owner, driving a Tesla, calling hands-free:

Phoned up the store,
About my brand new Tesla,
Not driving like it should in my head.
“I gave my car a name – so that should make it conscious”
And this is what the Tesla staff said:​

Cut to a Tesla store. Looking horrified, the staff listen in to the phone call:

CHORUS
“All together now, O M G!
Keep your mind on your driving,
Keep your hands on the wheel,
For God’s sake keep your eyes on the road ahead!
Autopilot’s quick,
But can’t anticipate things,
You supply that function instead.”​

Back to the owner, sitting in a coffee house, texting on a smartphone:

Tweeted Elon Musk,
About my brand new Tesla,
Not driving like it should in my head.
“Don’t like this learning curve - just disable it coz I say so!”
And this is what the CEO said:​

And in my dream, we cut to the Hawthorne underground skunkworks – a crowd of busy people divides to reveal:

CHORUS
“All together now,
Seriously? Dude,
Keep your mind on your driving,
Keep your hands on the wheel,
And please just keep your eyes on the road ahead,
Autopilot’s good,
And in set situations,
It’s safer than a human instead.”

“Yes, even you.”​

It’s safer than a human instead.

“And me too.”​

It’s safer than a human instead.

“But - mostly you.”​

It’s safer than a human instead.​

(Someone hands him a glowing touchscreen)

“I pulled your car’s data logs.”​

It’s safer than a human instead.

“Sheesh!”​

It’s safer than a human instead.

“Full Autonomy can’t come soon enough”​

It’s safer than a human instead.​

Blackout


I need to get out more.

Based on Seven Little Girls recorded by the Avons

 

[malcolm]

Didn't mean annoying; meant irritatingly catchy.

My bad.

 

[peter_wallace]

Didn't mean annoying; meant irritatingly catchy.

My bad.

Well said.

 

[S4WRXTTCS]

Nah, I'm just going to drive on AP like Elon's wife.

Err, I mean ex-wife.

 

[peter_wallace]

Nah, I'm just going to drive on AP like Elon's wife.

Err, I mean ex-wife.

lol

 

[hill]

Hopefully this will be anoying enough to stick ....snip.....

CHORUS
“All together now, O M G!
Keep your mind on your driving,
Keep your hands on the wheel,
For God’s sake keep your eyes on the road ahead!
Autopilot’s quick,
But can’t anticipate things,
You supply that function instead.”
.....snip........ ​

read the little tune & noticed the song / date was still during the time when only AP1's were running around the landscape . That prompted me to imagine another verse that might need to get fixed to the tail end. feel free to amend or fine-tuned as necessary;

The Tesla buyers wanted,
a better autopilot, so that's what Mr Musk said he would do ~
Now Vid-e-oh is faster, with lots of extra cam-ra's,
Just like Mr. Musk said he'd build for you,
With AP2's delivered, & promises "it's better" , new owners quickly found out it's not true,
More vid-eo & cam-ras, will cost a pretty penny - in fact more than a grand or even two,
In fact if you compare it, you'll hardly even bare it,
Compared to AP1, it runs like poo.
It dives for ev'ry off ramp, & slows when nothing's near ya, tho you would think that something must be there,
& quickly veering to the left,
then flailing to the right right,
You know you must'a soiled your underwear.
You paid a lot a money, way back in 20-16,
6 months ago you felt like you were bilked,
and now next year is passing, and you are still just waiting,
a promise of some day as
'smooth-as-silk'
.





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