You're suddenly well off, your lifelong friends are not. Now what?

[Featsbeyond50]

Unfortunately I'm not having this dilemma, but it seems easy to maintain lifelong friendships after becoming wealthy in the stock market. Let's look at two scenarios:

In one scenario we have four life long friends. One becomes an accountant, one an electrician, a grocery store manager while the fourth becomes a neurosurgeon. In this case there's an obvious socioeconomic gap. Being a neurosurgeon is more than how much you can make and what you can afford. It's part of who you are and how people see you. In this scenario I think the neurosurgeon will have a very hard time maintaining his friendship with his lifelong buddies.

In the second scenario, let's keep everything the same except the fourth member of our posse is a school teacher. This school teacher happened to see the Tesla vision early and put everything he had into the stock as early as 50 bucks a share. Say he had 50 grand in cash and 200 grand in a retirement account. Now he's got 1.5 & 4.5M. He's 50 years old so 1.5 million isn't enough to carry him to retirement but he pays off his house and stops adding to his retirement funds so he has a lot more cash on hand. Buys a Tesla, adds onto the house, goes on more vacations with his wife. None of this is enough to cause a rift with his 3 buddies. When they comment about the fancy vacations he jokes with them "Hey, I told you teaching was a great gig. Three months vacation in the summer and a month in the winter, what do you expect me to do, sit at home and watch tv?". He's living the good life, enjoys the peace of mind of financial security and gets to keep his lifelong pals.

Suppose our guy did even better than I described above and did well enough to retire. All he'd have to do is make his hobby his career. Instead of being a teacher, he's now a track coach or a hunting guide or a dance instructor. His buddies don't need to know if he doesn't make any money doing those things.

 

[UnknownSoldier]

This is why you literally don't talk about money with your friends. I mean it's not that hard, just don't do it. There's nothing to be gained from doing it, so just don't.

I hardly talk about money with my family except my parents. The only people who know just how much I've made from TSLA are Mom and Dad and I plan to keep it that way.

 

[Ameliorate]

This is why you literally don't talk about money with your friends. I mean it's not that hard, just don't do it. There's nothing to be gained from doing it, so just don't.

I hardly talk about money with my family except my parents. The only people who know just how much I've made from TSLA are Mom and Dad and I plan to keep it that way.

Who said anything about talking about it? if your friends all drive 20 year old beater cars and you buy a 2020 tesla and a house, you don't have to say "hey I have x dollars" for them to realize something is different. Hence the thread.

 

[petecrayton]

"What's your APR". That was a strange question to me once I figured it out. I always pay cash for a car; if I don't have the cash I save until I can. #don'tpayinterest

Normally it makes sense NOT to finance a depreciating asset. However,

"What's your APR". That was a strange question to me once I figured it out. I always pay cash for a car; if I don't have the cash I save until I can. #don'tpayinterest

Normally it would be smart if you didn't finance a depreciating asset, but when I bought my MS'17 Tesla was offering 1% so I thought it better to leave my cash working at a considerably better rate, mostly in high yield dividend stocks. Of course, 3 years later after taking a 30% haircut and some dividend cuts I am not sure how far ahead, if any, I am.

 

[Featsbeyond50]

Who said anything about talking about it? if your friends all drive 20 year old beater cars and you buy a 2020 tesla and a house, you don't have to say "hey I have x dollars" for them to realize something is different. Hence the thread.

Friends can be left to assume you're reaching for the tesla and they don't have to know the house is paid off.

If your talking about an upper class home, that might be a matter of priorities. Is it more important to you to not risk your friendships or is it more important to live in luxury. Personally I'd take the friendships and I think I'd be a better friend in this scenario. Without the stresses of making ends meet and providing for the future, I'd probably be a lot better to be around.

I actually think I'd make a better employee too. I'd be a lot more inclined to say what I really think and not worry about who I might piss off.

 

[ammulder]

Well, this thread has been less popular since the post-earnings pull-back, but... for anyone with a NYT subscription, they've posted a couple articles about this:

How to Talk to Your Friends About Money
How to Talk About Money

 

[adiggs]

Maybe there should be a thread created about this. Since being furloughed 4 months ago, boredom is killing me. Obviously COVID restrictions exacerbate the problem.

Not knowing what I'm going to do each and every day 6 days/week has thrown me off my game. I need daily structure and have not (yet) been able to create enough new routines.

Not complaining.The lack of pressure is awesome. My net worth has boomed this year because of TSLA so I'm in very good financial shape. But my mind needs challenges. Can someone here help direct me to the mindset of "where did I ever find the time to go to work 8 hours per day, 5 days per week!?"

From the main thread, seems applicable here.

My primary idea for creating those new routines and daily structure is to do some volunteer work. I know that I like what I do - the question I ask myself, is do I like what I do enough to do it for free for some worthy cause of my choosing? I figure the need is there, and I'm reasonably confident that the typical charity can't afford me. Something like 1/2 time (don't want it to look or feel too much like a job ).

I believe that many people go for travel - see the world. And not just the obvious tourist spots, but also make an effort to get off the beaten paths. I figure that's a lot of traveling to fill in one's time.

 

[Mo City]

From the main thread, seems applicable here.

My primary idea for creating those new routines and daily structure is to do some volunteer work. I know that I like what I do - the question I ask myself, is do I like what I do enough to do it for free for some worthy cause of my choosing? I figure the need is there, and I'm reasonably confident that the typical charity can't afford me. Something like 1/2 time (don't want it to look or feel too much like a job ).

I believe that many people go for travel - see the world. And not just the obvious tourist spots, but also make an effort to get off the beaten paths. I figure that's a lot of traveling to fill in one's time.

Since moving my workout from the gym to home since COVID, I've gone next level. Was able to secure some additional equipment before everything sold out. At age 57, I'm in the best shape of my life. Additionally, I started eating right last November and have lost 35 lbs.

Volunteer work is definitely something I'll look into after things open up again.

Because of my career, I've been fortunate to travel all over the world to every continent. Sometimes it's hard to believe it's one planet. Going forward, my wife and I will be trotting all over the place.

I'm accustomed focusing on productivity and using my time wisely. I guess it's just going to take time to sort out daily activities.

 

[adiggs]

Since moving my workout from the gym to home since COVID, I've gone next level. Was able to secure some additional equipment before everything sold out. At age 57, I'm in the best shape of my life. Additionally, I started eating right last November and have lost 35 lbs.

This is what I need to get going on. The transition to WFH hasn't been good for my physical activity.

I know - THAT is why I need to retire! More time to exercise! It totally makes sense to me now

 

[Mo City]

This is what I need to get going on. The transition to WFH hasn't been good for my physical activity.

I know - THAT is why I need to retire! More time to exercise! It totally makes sense to me now

Working out from home has huge advantages over going to a gym.

I have 4 dumbbell bars, lots of weight plates, a weight bench (not a bench press), a stationary bike and a fan. I move my car out of the garage which is partially carpeted because no motor oil is involved. The neighborhood playground across the street allows me to do pull ups.

This is all I need. Dumbbells rock! Gotta force myself to do more cardio.

Eating right is more difficult in a WFH environment, particularly if you have distractions and work does not keep you locked in (mentally) for long stretches.

 

[adiggs]

Working out from home has huge advantages over going to a gym.

I have 4 dumbbell bars, lots of weight plates, a weight bench (not a bench press), a stationary bike and a fan. I move my car out of the garage which is partially carpeted because no motor oil is involved. The neighborhood playground across the street allows me to do pull ups.

This is all I need. Dumbbells rock! Gotta force myself to do more cardio.

Eating right is more difficult in a WFH environment, particularly if you have distractions and work does not keep you locked in (mentally) for long stretches.

I can think of many starts to retirement / enforced work idleness, than multiple hours of working out each day

I could use some of that.

 

[dakh]

..look into kettlebells for the home gym, doesn't take any space and is by far the best tool for a combo of strength training, ligament development and cardio.

On topic, I think of this in a different way. There are people who are in a good relationship with money and people who're not. If they're good friends, people from the former group would be totally fine with whatever you got going. People from the latter group, not so much, and you definitely are at risk of losing friendships if you rub them the wrong way. Basically money becomes a very touchy topic with those folks. Personally I had a precious few examples of those to learn from. So happens that most of my close friends, despite being very different in their socioeconomic status, are similar in that they are self-accepting of wherever they're at with money. They might or might not be content with where they're at, but that's very different from being out of touch with reality on the subject (entitled, jealous, etc). Most of my real close friends have actually texted me things along the lines "I hope you still hold your TSLA" when it rocketed up lately. And they are happy for me, nothing to hide here.

So for me the only thing that creates some sort of tension is the group of people who I know are messed up in their heads wrt money. I definitely make an effort to stay away from the subject, but I'm not going to bend backwards trying to protect them from their own head trip either. I don't exactly vibe off "rich" but definitely well off enough for some to ask to borrow a bit. Say no they probably get somewhat ticked off but I keep them as a friend. Say yes and more than half the time both the friend and the money are gone. I still do it if there are other people on the line (especially children), but I'm fully prepared to not hear back from them again.

 

[adiggs]

..look into kettlebells for the home gym, doesn't take any space and is by far the best tool for a combo of strength training, ligament development and cardio.

And this right here is why I love these forums so much. Thanks for the tip @dakh - it seems I'm going to need me a set of these!

 

[Ameliorate]

And this right here is why I love these forums so much. Thanks for the tip @dakh - it seems I'm going to need me a set of these!

The key to fitness is just finding something you enjoy and can see yourself doing 5+ years from now. Maybe hill sprints and burpees are super effective but if you hate it, you wont stick with it and the results wont be as good over time as ie joining a team sport.
In the end, if you like kettlebells, great. If you like the gym, great. If you like running or sports, also great. Certainly each has its advantages and some combination of resistance training and cardio may be ideal, but the majority should be doing something you enjoy. Diets work the same way and I'd even suggest I've learned so much about Tesla because it fascinates me and I support the mission, I would struggle to be as involved with a company outside of my interests.

Something something, happiness may equate to health in some regard too. Good luck!

 

[dakh]

The most important point with physical fitness that I can think of is that unless you challenge your body beyond what it can do today, it won't be compelled to change. Especially at an older age, a bunch of stuff people do that seems like fitness type activities, that is within the comfort zone, will just wear you out faster. Gotta throw things in that you can't comfortably do. Lift heavy, sprint, interval train, and by all means do a double century on a bike, run a marathon etc..

 

[ammulder]

So not that I don’t like kettlebells, burpees, ultramarathons... I mean my profile pic is from a 24-hour race... but about that money thing.

I’m told there was a big reddit poll on this: would you take $1M if it meant every traffic light you ever came to was red?

On reflection, I think questions like this say something about one’s relationship with money. I guess you mostly have to be past a certain threshold below which $1M is a truly life-altering amount of money and any such decision is a no-brainer, but if you are, how do you value the cash vs time, stress, etc.?

(Personally, I’d pay $1M if it meant every light I ever came to was green. I don’t know how but I’d find a way! My 3P would be sad to miss all those starts, though. Perhaps best that I don’t have the option. Though, it might be the only way I’d qualify for Tesla insurance...)

 

[Mo City]

The most important point with physical fitness that I can think of is that unless you challenge your body beyond what it can do today, it won't be compelled to change. Especially at an older age, a bunch of stuff people do that seems like fitness type activities, that is within the comfort zone, will just wear you out faster. Gotta throw things in that you can't comfortably do. Lift heavy, sprint, interval train, and by all means do a double century on a bike, run a marathon etc..

Here is what I tell people on fitness whether it's lifting, cardio or whatever: Know your limits, train right up to them but don't cross the lines.

If you aren't exerting close to your limit, you are cheating yourself and might be wasting time. On the other hand, pushing too far makes a setback inevitable. This could be anything from a minor muscle strain to a severe injury. Better safe than sorry. Two examples: (1) Stretch until you feel a pull in your muscle(s), but NOT to the point of feeling pain. (2) If you lift and are over 50, going to failure using machines should be fine. However, with free weights such as dumbbells and barbells, stop one rep short of failure.

One soapbox point I have to make: Unless you are very old or have a particular physical condition, avoid slow cardio. IMO, it's little more than a time hog that makes people feel better about themselves. Put some intensity into it and get your heart rate up. If your cardio sessions (running, walking, treadmill, stationary bike, etc) last more than 45 mins, dial up the intensity if your body allows it.

 

[Artful Dodger]

by all means do a double century on a bike

yer kidding, right? last time I sat on a bike my ass was sore after 10 min, never mind a century.

Cheers!

 

[bballshinobi]

I guess we are revisiting this thread again after today lol

 

[UnknownSoldier]

Well, this thread has been less popular since the post-earnings pull-back, but... for anyone with a NYT subscription, they've posted a couple articles about this:

How to Talk to Your Friends About Money
How to Talk About Money

Why So Many Americans Don’t Talk About Money