My local power company is taxing me to the tune of $20/mo because I have offset their profits by installing a solar array on my house. They say it's because I'm "not paying my fair share" to maintain the grid. So now that I am, apparently, paying my "fair share" with this additional surcharge that was approved by our illustrious corporations commission, the electric company can take a flying hike as far as I'm concerned. Delay charging into the night and only charge at 40A to minimize impact to their precious grid that is now costing me an additional $20/mo to maintain? Please! I'll be damed if I'm going to do any favors for an electric utility that is already profitable, but which wants to further boost profits on the backs of responsible customers who are doing the right thing by investing in renewable power generation.
To be fair, electric utilities have to build and maintain electrical distribution systems to supply the maximum peak demand that the customer may draw, and there's a relationship between that peak demand and the service size. For example, if a building has a demand that would justify an 800 amp service, the utility will provide the wires, transformers etc. for an 800 amp service, but not for a 1600 amp service just because the customer may want to put in something larger. Why should other customers share the costs of heavier utility infrastructure (wires, transformers etc.) that are not being utilized? So far, so good, but then renewables like solar and wind come along.
Now the building with the 800 amp service and a solar system may "look" to the utility like a 400 amp service from both a loading and revenue standpoint. In theory that building should be supplied with a 400 amp service and associated utility infrastructure. But the intermittent nature of renewables usually means they still need the 800 amp service for those infrequent times that the solar system is not operating for one reason or another. So what you really have is a 400 amp service that the utility earns revenue on plus another 400 amp service "on standby". Again, to be fair to other customers, they shouldn't have to pay for heavier infrastructure that is essentially sitting on standby for one other customer. It looks like your utility charges a $20 standby charge which seems quite reasonable.
In terms of when you charge your car, and at what level, it is entirely up to you. The capacity from a utility standpoint should be there. The cost of power, however, will vary with demand throughout the day, and a lot of jurisdictions are employing Time-of-Use rates to reflect that. Higher overall peak demands could drive On-Peak rates higher, and Off-Peak rates lower, which for most people is enough of a motivation to shift their charging times, and EV's are very well suited to Off-Peak charging.
An even more ambitious solution would be for utilities to offer some sort of demand response technology that could throttle charging at certain peak times, and reward customers with incentives or even lower rates for participating.