I thought it was best to let the battery go down to 20% and then recharge to 80%.
No, that is not correct. Tesla says to leave the car plugged in whenever you are not using it, when possible. Furthermore, they do not allow you to do this and charge to any less than 50%, or over 90% (routinely).
So you want to be maintaining state of charge in the region of 50-90% as much as possible, especially when the car is being left in that state for significant periods of time (i.e. not on trips, when excursions are much less of an issue since they don't last long). That is to say, you don't need to worry at all about state of charge going outside of this range, but just get it back in this range as soon as possible.
Generally, for generic Li-ion chemistries (which may not match to Tesla's), all of the above 50-90% recommendations with shallower discharges are supported by the known data on battery longevity. Whether they apply to Tesla's Model 3 chemistry specifically can be debated - but in general it is supported by the charging limits that the car enforces, in conjunction with Tesla's recommendation to leave the car plugged in.
There are quite a few threads about this and one particular one about Li-ion battery degradation, explained, if you search for it. They are quite informative and you can draw your own conclusions.
In the end, leave the car plugged in as Tesla says, set the charge level to whatever you want, and as long as the car doesn't bug you about what you're doing (setting charge limit to over 90% too often), you'll be doing the best you can.
Today when I felt the the charger assembly (with green Tesla light) it felt quite warm to my touch. Wondered if that was normal? I have never
As far as your original issue, it sounds like it was warm while the car was charging, which is perfectly normal. If it was quite warm to the touch when the car was NOT charging (and had not been charging recently), then that would be cause for concern.