You are already assuming that a full battery swap can be performed in 5 minutes or less.
Let the data speak for itself. I don't think it can be done reliably that fast.
I also don't think Tesla wants to invest in this massive infrastructure that is not only capital intensive (tesla factory robots are $500k each) and all the new mechanics needed.
Tesla wants to offer superior customer service. Good people are not cheap. But your average wrench is not going to be Mr congeniality. And you know that just one bad experience will have people pissing and moaning.
There more I think about it I become more convinced that Tesla will NOT invest in this massive endeavor.
Factory robots move on three axis + time with extreme sub millimeter and microsecond precision, and do so while being designed to last through tens of millions of discrete operations. A SuperSwapper would be a rack with rollers that moves up and down on a single axis. When it reached the battery under the Model S it would engage a simple jig to remove the bolts and fittings.
Once the jig was engaged all of the bolts and fittings would be removed simultaneously. The rack would lower itself, leaving the jig in place. When the rack reached the proper level it would roll the battery onto a roller equipped shelf off to either side (and possibly front and back as well). When the battery was on its shelf, a different jig would do whatever hookups are needed (cooling and power most likely) in order to properly charge and maintain the battery.
The rack would move to whatever level it needs to in order to get the swapped battery, roll it onto the rack, and raise back up to the primary jig. When in place, all fittings and bolts would be replaced simultaneously, and then remove the jig and reset itself so that the car could leave.
I am fairly confident I could build a crude device to accomplish this with materials purchased at Home Depot. But for inventory control I'd need to steal one of their scanners since they don't sell them to the public at Home Depot.
Edit: Just to be clear, this is a simple design. There are more advanced ones that would be needed to get to swap speeds of under a minute. My Home Depot version might take 5 minutes.
Edit2: Also, it would be best with the Hope Depot version if the car was in the exact right spot. Otherwise I need to integrate some cheep sensors and hook it all up to a computer, with some simple programming. I also need to adjust the position of the battery at the top, but that might be accomplished with rollers. Certainly for an optimum solution you would want to do some actual engineering on a more sophisticated system.
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I guess if I wanted to be a real cheapskate and avoid buying sensors and moving the battery into position under computer control, I could just instead make sure the car was parked on rollers, then force it (gently) into the correct alignment with a jig.
