I only have less than 10% of my original capital left. I lost over 90% of my total capital. I am shell shocked and have never ever taken these kind of huge losses before
Man. This SUCKS. I'm sorry you have to go through this. I know, because I've been there.
I'm going to say a few things I learned from that experience. This is not necessarily directed at you, TrendTrader007. The inferno you're going through right now cannot be helped by some words on a message board. I don't claim that my experience matches anyone else's, either. However, it might, and maybe it will be of use to at least one person out there who wants to avoid a similar fate.
I learned two types of things: stuff about trading/investing/capital management, and stuff about myself. The former can be absorbed from books, lectures, and such. The latter... you kinda have to be there.
When one evaluates a set of trading choices, based on an underlying theory of the company, the stock, and the macro context, one visualizes the consequences of what could go wrong, and balances those against the imagined wins if things go right. When the mind is clear of emotion, that simulation is going to be as good as it's going to get for that particular trader given his level of skill. The outcomes over the long run will be primarily driven by the accuracy of the model of reality that the trader is capable to articulate.
Let's say you are him and you prove to be pretty astute, as confirmed by the market several times in a row. You guessed the price movements better than most for a while, putting a number of wins in your column. Let's further assume those wins are outsized. If you are like most people, the first thing that will happen is that you will experience a strong high. Simultaneously, the following will cross your mind:
1. "I really nailed this, more than once, which means I kinda know what I'm doing."
2. "To win big, one must risk big. I could take a third (or a quarter, or a half) of my latest gains and make these really big bets. If I lose, it won't matter; in fact, I'll still be ahead. But if I'm right one or two more times, a life-changing number will materialize on my account statement and I will cross over to the
other side. I won't have to do this ever again."
3. Next, you run the simulation in your head as you always do. You compare the various scenarios, visualizing the potential losses against the possible gains. But a funny thing happens
: the ocean of endorphins, or adrenaline, or dopamine, whatever, that flooded your senses after your recent wins are masking the pain that you are supposed to feel when you imagine the possible losses. At the same time, the imagined wins enhance your current high. You are not thinking clearly, just as people who've fallen hard in love are not thinking clearly.
Desirable outcomes seem more likely and blissful than they really are, while undesirable ones seem less likely and less painful. This leads to making bad bets. It is the same process as that which underlies the behaviour of high-stakes compulsive gamblers.
Six months earlier, if you tried to imagine what it would be like to lose $100k, you would have said "Ouch! better sit this one out". Right now, however, that same imagined loss of $100k feels like "Meh. I'll still have all this other loot to play with". Moreover, the likelihood that you'll make $500k rather than lose $100k will seem so much higher than it should, because it has actually happened in the very recent past! It's very easy to imagine it will happen again; you can practically smell it.
In other words,
you are on drugs. It doesn't matter how skilled you are or you proved to be in the past, because that skill is not what is driving your trades anymore. Soon, reality catches up with you.
The best thing to do after really big wins is
nothing. You take a break for as long as it takes for your high to wear off. And I guarantee you, it should be longer than you think. A small number of people can handle certain drugs and function just fine, but for every one of them there are a hundred others who think they can, but actually can't. Margin and leverage are powerful but dangerous weapons having strong psychological impact on those who use them. Maintaining a clear mind is paramount, but doing so is much harder than it looks.
This will hurt like hell, possibly for months or even years. Hang in there. You can come back after this, but only after adopting a different kind of thinking than the one that led to failure in the first place. Stay strong and good luck.