it is the 12v battery’s job to power the entire 12v system, everything, at all times.
Actually, the 12v battery only supplies power to the 12v system when the car is asleep. Once the car is awake, the DC/DC convertor handles the 12v system loads, and also charges the 12v battery through the main pack.
But Teslas do have significantly different usage of 12v batteries. As you stated, ICE vehicles pull huge amps to crank the engine up, then basically do nothing. Modern ICE vehicles do have a tiny amount of phantom drain, but not as much as Teslas do. Teslas use the 12v battery for system monitoring while the vehicle is asleep, and to also keep the cameras going when Sentry Mode is active.
I wish it was possible to get a large enough sample size here on the forums for a poll about how much guys/gals used Sentry Mode vs early 12v battery failures. My crystal ball says that most of the early failures were from people using Sentry Mode a lot more than people that haven't had early failures. And if Tesla's charging algorithm for keeping the 12v healthy isn't good, that just compounds the issue.
IMO, the problems we're seeing with 12v batteries is likely due to: 1. Possible bad batch of batteries from their supplier. 2. Poor charging logic. 3. Both 1 & 2.
I live in the hot desert. We replace ICE 12v batteries every two years here. I'm at 13 months on my Model 3 battery, and it's still going strong, but I *rarely* use Sentry Mode as the car is garaged every night.
From the posts I've seen here, there have been a lot of batteries simply outright failing. Rather than slowly going bad over time, which would trip the "replace 12v battery soon" message, they're simply failing. This makes me think they got a bad batch of batteries, as I've *never* seen a 12v battery just outright fail.
I think a lot of the issue guys have with the 12v battery leaving them stranded is that, with an ICE vehicle, we're all used to going out to a car with a dead battery and going, "oh, the battery is dead." But with an electric vehicle, there's a bit of a mindshift... we think, ok, the main pack is charged, I should be good to go. Getting stranded by a dead 12v on a BEV just feels... wrong.