Hi Jack, and welcome to the forums! It's about time you showed up here
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Regarding options, and which you should get, that's a can of worms and a personal decision. I just finalized last week and I'll give you my line of thinking:
First, the obvious ones:
Twin Chargers
Even without the twin chargers, you'll be able to use Tesla's Superchargers (assuming you're getting the 60 or 85 kWh versions), since they're DC (and the extra charger only doubles charging rate when charging with AC power (like that from a wall outlet).
As a general rule, if you anticipate needing to replenish hundreds of miles in just a few hours of charging at home--or if you anticipate making use of high power public chargers such as J1772, you might want to get the twin chargers (charges at 62 miles per hour). Otherwise, you'll be fine with the single charger (charges at half that, or 31 miles per hour).
My view: My round-trip commute is about 75 miles per day, and I rarely drive significantly more than that. I have no problem replenishing those 75 miles in about 2.5 hours overnight. In fact, overnight I can recharge the entire 300 mile range of an 85kWh battery.
If you're looking to save some money, go with the single charger unless you drive a LOT. Note that in order to take advantage of the twin charger rate, you'd also have to buy the High Power Wall Connector (HPWC). Avoiding this saves you $2,700.
Parcel Shelf
Relatively small percentage of total cost at $250. If you're worried about theft or privacy of the contents of your car, you might be interested in this. But frankly a bag or blanket can serve the same purpose. I passed on the parcel shelf, saving $250.
Paint Armor
Personal decision. I just decided that if I ensure that I have good following distance and don't race down gravel roads, I can minimize damage to the paint finish from road debris. I saw the paint armor protection on a few cars during the demo drives and thought it was pretty noticable. It adds to the challenge of cleaning the car, and is a not-insignificant purchase of $950. I skipped on this.
Rear Facing Seats
Unless you have a large family (larger than 5, with 2 young children), I'd skip this. Even if you do have a large family, do you want to put all 6 or 7 of them into the car? Sure it fits and its designed for it, but it doesn't seem like it'd be too comfortable. Skipping these seats saves $1500 and ensures you maximize cargo storage space.
Edit: Also, this is a bit like people who buy SUVs for that once-a-year roadtrip with the family, and then drive as a single driver the rest of the year. Doesn't seem to make sense to spend on an option that you almost never take advantage of. Honestly, how often will you need to have 6 or 7 people in your car, and how often will you know that 1 or 2 of those passengers will be in the age/height range as specified by the rear facing seats?
Active Air Suspension
You're P880, so unless you defer to 2013, you're getting the air suspension. I personally think it's worth it anyway, for both the improved ride quality and the ability to raise the car over obstacles (steep driveways, for example). For those with the choice, I'd probably recommend this unless you're on a tight budget.
Sound Studio
Depends on how important music is to you. Personally, I love music...so I'm getting this for $950. If you only listen to talk radio, or prefer silence when you drive, skip this. But if you like music, this is great value for the cost.
Tech Package
This is tricky, since the cost is not insignificant ($3750). I'm personally getting this, and most people seem to be as well. Let's look at the contents of this package (again, these are my opinions):
-Xenon Headlamps: Some here swear by the xenons, and feel the cost of the tech package is worth it just for the headlights alone. Honestly, while the xenons are nicer, it's not something that made me get this package. (Yes, opinions will differ. Others will say this is the one item that sold the tech package for them).
-Electrochromatic side mirrors: Again, not a big deal to me. Nice, but glare from headlights from the side mirrors is a relatively minor inconvenience for me.
-LED foglights: This is more of a "looks" thing for me than it is functional. I like the look of the fog lights..but really don't need them.
-Convenience lighting: Nice little touch, but again not a big deal.
-Power rear liftgate and automatic keyless entry: The only difference between standard entry and automatic keyless entry is that with the tech package you don't have to press a button on the fob to unlock the car...it senses your presence. Some see this as a big convenience item: you can approach the car with both hands full of groceries and it will unlock for you. But in the end, you still have to open the door, so it's not personally a big thing for me. Although it is kinda cool for the door handles to present themselves to you as you approach the car. It's a gimmicky cool item that you can show off to others. As for the powered liftgate, that's a relatively minor thing in my mind but it might be important to others.
-Turn-by-turn navigation with 7 years of free map updates: This has pretty good worth. Without it, you don't get turn-by-turn instructions.
-HD Backup camera: Nice, but without the tech package you get an SD camera, so the only difference is a little bit of resolution in the backup camera. Is that significant? If your budget's tight, probably not.
-Homelink: Automatically opens garage doors, turns on lights, opens gates, etc. for homes equipped with compatible hardware. Small convenience item in my mind...not a big deal if your budget's tight.
So if your budget's tight I'd probably pass on the tech package, but if I had to sacrifice somewhere I'd probably give up the air suspension before giving up the tech package.
Pano Roof
Another personal decision, although the pano roof gives rear passengers extra headroom and allows you to almost "put the top down". I think it's definitely worth it for $1500, and I think most people here find the pano roof worth the additional cost.
Edit: Pano roof also gets you the roof rack attachment points.
Leather
I think the leather's worth it @ $1500 unless you're on a really tight budget. It's a premium car...it should have leather! Plus you get seat warmers, more seat adjustment, seat memory...and more options for trim instead of just piano black. Although some greatly prefer cloth to avoid the hot/stickiness in summer, and higher maintenance of leather seats, the advantage of leather is that it's easier to clean and doesn't tend to retain smells like cloth does. This one's up to you.
21" Wheel Upgrade
This has a big impact on total cost of operation for the car, usability, and a slight impact on range. Personally, I went with the base 19" wheels. Reasons:
-21" tires are summer performance only. If you live in an area that gets cold, the rubber will not grip the road well and you'll have little traction. You would have to get a set of winter or all-season tires for the cold season, which are not available in 21" sizes. That means you'd have to purchase another set of wheels too. And you'd have to swap wheels in the cold season.
-The 21" tires are low-profile, which looks cool and improves cornering performance but increases the potential for wheel damage from potholes or "curbing".
-The 21" performance tires have a lower treadwear rating, so they won't last as long.
-The 21" tires are more expensive to replace.
-The 21" tires reduce the range by a few miles. Not dramatic, but worthy of note.
I guess that about covers it. Again, it's all up to you but hopefully this sums up a lot of different discussion threads and helps you reach a decision.