I'm with you. I believe vampire load is certainly the main underlying reliability issue with the 12V battery. A "better battery" (deep cycle, high quality,...) will help delay the eventual wear out, but it's inevitable under the prevailing vampire load. My particular vehicle is losing of the order of 5 to 7 miles per day, which amounts to somewhere between 1 and 2kWh of energy. That’s consistent with other owners on the forums — some more, some less. Taking the low end of the vampire load, that's equivalent to 1,000 watt hours per day / 24 hours per day = 40W continuous. It amounts to 3.5A continuously from the 12V battery to power the electronics. That's HUGE, and frankly, disgraceful, for the high tech marvel of modern engineering that is the Model S. Modern electronics, in a well designed system, with competent software should be able to achieve an order of magnitude less vampire drain than that. Until that is addressed, I believe we'll continue to see premature wear out and replacement of 12V batteries in the field.
I disagree. A common set top box can be 50-100 watts continuous. The Tesla BMS is always running. I'd rather sacrifice 40 watts continuous rather than have a problem with the $20k big battery due to inattention. Yes, it would be nice for it to be lower. I actually lose <1kWh per day. Also, at the some point, the electronics are supposed to wake up the big battery and charge the 12v battery. It is possible that a bad 12v battery causes the big pack to wake up more often and charge it, which can accentuate the apparent vampire draw. What is embarrassing for Tesla is the failures in the DC-to-DC charging circuitry and the 12v battery quality issues. They should be able to monitor and proactively replace these without waiting until actual failure (preferably through on-board software that detects a bad pattern and alerts the owner).