I'm glad I posted the question here, the feedback has been great!
Our budget is $82k not factoring in the tax credit. So essentially $74,500 if using the design studio. It puts us right in an awkward spot of a well equipped 60 or an 85 with no options. If we equip the 85 exactly how we want it with no hesitations, it's $10,000 over budget. We heavily prefer the 85 over 60, so to get all the options we want, it comes at expense of the battery. It's such a tease.
These are why we want the options we picked:
85 has better battery warranty, less range anxiety, includes SC which we will eventually have in the northeast.
The kids are not yet big enough for rear facing seats, so over 8 years they could be used basically the entire time.
Pano roof gives that extra little bit of head room (I was .5 inches from the roof when I sat in the back), letting more light in makes the car feel bigger.
Tech package because everyone tells me I need it.
Parking sensors it's because backing up into something once with cost more than $500 to repair (needs tech)
- - - Updated - - -
The more I talk about it the better a 60 with no options is sounding. If we can't have exactly what we want at $90k, spending $70k and always knowing we kept the extra $20k in our pocket may help us get over any initial insecurity we have about the car.