My Car does not do XXXX, but it make fart noises now!

[Gavyne]

I live in a heavy rain area, the auto wipers don't adjust effectively to a change their rate to adjust to the amount of rain. So when a semi passes you on the highway and your windshield gets drenched, it stays that way until you hunt and peck you way to the manual setting on the screen, or you keep pressing the 'one wipe' button on the stock.

Not being able to see when you are beside large trucks in the dark is dangerous. Taking your eyes off the road to fix the situation is more dangerous.

You know pressing the button on the left stalk once not only initiate the wiper once, but it brings up the wiper screen. It's but 1 screen press for you to engage wipers. And it's on the side closest to you, takes as much time as glancing at your speed.

But for new version of auto wipers, Elon stated they're already testing it. So it's not like they aren't already working on improving the auto wipers.

 

[ngogas]

I want fart noises!

 

[Incredulocious]

Okay, so for now until that feature is tweaked, on heavy rain days go to manual wipers before you leave your home. For all other rain days set to auto wipe. Problem solved.

Hardly solved. Even in the bay area of California we get rain intensity that is constantly changing and you can’t just leave it at one setting. So having to frequently adjust the wiper settings with the touch screen controls is a hassle and not very safe. And yes, the auto setting frequently doesn’t notice the rain as it comes and goes.

Count me as disappointed in the continuing easter eggs when I have a list of fixes and small feature tweaks I’d find much cooler to see done. (And yeah, I’ve worked for many years as a software engineer so I can certainly relate to the process of deciding what to work on.)

 

[StealthP3D]

Agreed about the windshield wipers being outright dangerous. It rains in Oregon A LOT. Navigating soft button menus to constantly change wiper settings is ridiculous.

This is easily my least favorite thing about my M3 (which I do love in general).

Is everyone in Beaverton so dramatic?

Yeah, there are types of rain that the auto wipers don't swipe often enough. When that happens I automatically just touch the end of the left stalk and get a swipe whenever I need one. If you want it to swipe at a fixed rate there is no need to navigate any menus, just touch the same stalk and select the speed you want on the selection that pops up.

How hard can it be?

 

[Toumal]

I just wanna say that my Renault Zoe has a terrible sensor and wipes basically whenever. Certain types of Rain do not cause it to even start. Sometimes it pours but it will only wipe once every 10 seconds, but when the rain lightens it suddenly goes full speed.

Now you might say that's just a cheap Renault, but we have a BMW 116 in the family that barely does any better. My Volvo S80 was always on manual because the sensor was useless.

I'm not saying this is irrelevant or that Tesla is doing just fine, but frankly many rain sensor systems from "established" brands are just terrible too, and there is no hope of a fix.

Why did Tesla not use a standard rain sensor? Probably because most of them are not very good to begin with.

 

[BluestarE3]

To get back to the thread topic: I can't believe no one is upset that Tesla has been LYING to its customers all these years by claiming their cars are ZERO EMISSIONS (they even state this on their placeholder "license plates") when, in truth, the cars rip noxious greenhouse gases with abandon!!! VW's emissions cheating Dieselgate scandal is nothing compared to Tesla's FARTGATE!!!

 

[sreams]

I'm okay with the way the wipers work... but I think Tesla could remove one step pretty easily. When the one-wipe button is pressed, the wiper on/off icon pops up. Only after pressing it do the wiper speed buttons appear (where there was just blank, unused space before). Instead, I'd like to see the wiper speed controls come up immediately. Then just press the desired speed to turn them on. It would be super-easy to remove a step here with a minor software update.

 

[smartypnz]

I'm okay with the way the wipers work... but I think Tesla could remove one step pretty easily. When the one-wipe button is pressed, the wiper on/off icon pops up. Only after pressing it do the wiper speed buttons appear (where there was just blank, unused space before). Instead, I'd like to see the wiper speed controls come up immediately. Then just press the desired speed to turn them on. It would be super-easy to remove a step here with a minor software update.

When you say 'one-wipe button' are you talking about the left stalk press or the screen?

 

[mongo]

I work for a very small company and it still tends to work this way (although I’m not sure management would appreciate it if our virtual cadavers starting farting...).

Wouldn't that make them more realistic? Or are they meant to represent an embalmed state?

 

[StealthP3D]

When you say 'one-wipe button' are you talking about the left stalk press or the screen?

It's a real button on the end of the stalk. This is another thing the media gets wrong all the time - News stories are constantly saying things like "everything is controlled from menus within the central touchscreen", completely failing to mention the window switches, the 8-way seat adjustment/lumbar switches the hazard light button on the dome light, the two multi-function control stalks on either side of the steering wheel and the pair of multi-function controllers with scroll wheels on the steering wheel.

 

[StealthP3D]

I'm okay with the way the wipers work... but I think Tesla could remove one step pretty easily. When the one-wipe button is pressed, the wiper on/off icon pops up. Only after pressing it do the wiper speed buttons appear (where there was just blank, unused space before). Instead, I'd like to see the wiper speed controls come up immediately. Then just press the desired speed to turn them on. It would be super-easy to remove a step here with a minor software update.

That's how mine already work. When I press the button on the end of the left steering stalk, I'm presented with four options for wiper speed.

 

[StealthP3D]

To get back to the thread topic: I can't believe no one is upset that Tesla has been LYING to its customers all these years by claiming their cars are ZERO EMISSIONS (they even state this on their placeholder "license plates") when, in truth, the cars rip noxious greenhouse gases with abandon!!! VW's emissions cheating Dieselgate scandal is nothing compared to Tesla's FARTGATE!!!

A Tesla fart is clean. It only makes a sound, it truly is zero emissions. A really sensitive instrument might detect a slight amount of hydrogen (non-greenhouse gas) and water.

 

[chronopc]

A Tesla fart is clean. It only makes a sound, it truly is zero emissions. A really sensitive instrument might detect a slight amount of hydrogen (non-greenhouse gas) and water.

It emits digital emission which is bad for digital people.

 

[Daniellane]

I want fart noises!

Have you tried increasing the amount of beans in your diet?

 

[ceekz]

more beans in your diet?

They are good for your heart!

 

[WileyTheMan]

The one developer that was probably tasked with this easter egg probably would not have made a difference if s/he was added to the existing wiper logistics team. I'm certain if they needed the help, they would have commandeered the person long ago.

Software development takes time, regardless of how many warm bodies you throw at it.

 

[yul sam]

Agreed about the windshield wipers being outright dangerous. It rains in Oregon A LOT. Navigating soft button menus to constantly change wiper settings is ridiculous.

There is an easy way to start the wipers, half press the washer button, and the wiper card pops up, touch it and the wipers start up.

 

[sreams]

When you say 'one-wipe button' are you talking about the left stalk press or the screen?

Left-stalk press.

 

[sreams]

That's how mine already work. When I press the button on the end of the left steering stalk, I'm presented with four options for wiper speed.

Hmmm.. Those options only appear for me if the wipers are already set to on or auto. I'm on 46.2.

Make sure your wipers are completely off (not on auto) and see what happens. If it is as you say, they probably changed it for some version. What version are you on?

 

[BluestarE3]

Have you tried increasing the amount of beans in your diet?

Tweet Elon and ask him to consider selling Tesla-branded refried beans... to go along with Teslaquila. This could establish a theme for future Tesla merchandise.