Not sure if this helps anyone, but my P85DL hasn't been forced to update to the new firmware. I'm still able to stay on 2018.14.2 as shown in the Remote for Tesla app screenshot I just took right now. I still get notifications that a new software update is available, so it's not like the car isn't trying to update. However, I think my current firmware doesn't have the ability to remotely start the update process from the app. So perhaps my firmware is old enough that it can't be started without doing it in the car.
Just to let you know, I was previously on 2018.18 for over a year (see first post) so I also did not have the capability to update via the app, yet the FW update was still installed without any action on my part. IOW, you're not safe either.
On that subject, correct. Sure Hank could be mistaken and he actually hit the “go ahead and update” button, but I doubt that he did the update and that it was indeed foisted upon him.
Just to add to this, I've been (initially) rejecting FW updates for as long as I've had my cars, although I do usually install the updates. And despite what most people will assume, it not because of new UI/UX.
I've been in software development and database engineering for my entire career, and I've seen all too many failed "updates" installed too quickly on all sorts of hardware or devices. Some even got bricked as a result (a few Teslas have too). So for my cars, I always take a "wait and see" attitude. I reject the updates until I've had a chance to read what everyone else says about them on the forums.. what new features are great, what got broken, what the UI is like, and of course, how much regen went down with each new release.
Once I'm satisfied that a release is stable and not too much was broken (there is something new broken in every single FW release from Tesla), I'll most likely install it. So, all I can say is that I am very well versed on how to reject all FW updates, and while there's always a tiny possibility that I did something wrong, I really don't think that's what happened here.
I also take the same conservative approach to updates for my phones, mobile apps, computers, software applications, Linux servers and packages, IoT devices, etc. More often than not, there's a new widespread X.Y release, and then days later, there's a X.Y.1 or X.Y.1.1 release to fix what X.Y broke. I'll let all the people who need to update constantly take the hit when a bad version gets released, and I'll just wait for the dust to settle, then install what's necessary.